英语幽默情景对话

『壹』 急需英语幽默四人情景对话，

第一篇

Mike(M) Danny(C), Tommy(T)---classmates
地点:Scene----in the college dorm大学宿舍
Danny is playing a computer game on his laptop. Tommy is sleeping.
Mike came back from a morning jogging.

M: hi, Dan, what are u doing?
D: I am playing war craft.
M: Where is Tommy?
D: Shiiiii!
M:What? What's the matter?
D: Don't u see? He is still sleeping.
M: My goodness! I can't believe this! It’s almost nine. He got to get up now. Don't u remember we are required to make up a three people dialogue for tomorrow's oral class?
D: Yes, I do. You wake up Tommy and I will play one more round of war craft.
M: You'd better stop playing right now. We don't have much time to prepare this dialogue. Tommy! Tommy! Wake up! Time to wake up!
T:five more minutes, please.
Mike: No way, Jose. Time really flies.We still have a lot to do. Hurry up.
T: (Tommy sits up in his bed) Can I lie down two more minutes, please, just two more minutes? when Danny finishes his game, I will be fine.(Yawns) I don't know why I am so so sleepy. (Tommy lies down again.)
M: Guys!!! I am really angry now. Time waits for nobody. If you two don't stop what you are doing now, I will find somebody else to be my partners.
D and T: all right. All right. We listen to u.

M: That's more like it. We need will power.
D and T: what is will power?
M: Will power is trying hard not to do something that you really want to do.
D: You mean like trying not to play war craft?
Mike: right.
T: you mean like trying not to stay up late?
M: right.
Danny turns off his computer. Tommy gets up and goes to the bathroom.
Two minutes later the three maskeetters are working on their assignment.
Danny: Mike, can I take a little break? Let me play one round and we will continue our work?
Tommy: Mike, Can I lie down a minute? My back hurts.
Mike: No! No! No! Let's finish our work first before we do anything. We need will power!!!
Danny and Tommy: that's true. We need will power! We listen to you.

第二篇

TOM'S EXCUSE
Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?
Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go
Slow".
汤姆的借口
老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到？
汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着："学校----慢行。"
DID YOUR DAD...
2)Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!"
and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!"
汤姆对着吉姆骂道:"我受不了你这个苯蛋了!"
吉姆说:"你妈妈能!"
附:bear 有两重意思:"生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点.
3)Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!"
and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!"
汤姆对着吉姆骂道:"我受不了你这个苯蛋了!"
吉姆说:"你妈妈能!"
附:bear 有两重意思:"生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点.
4)A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"
一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."
5)Mother sent Tommy to the store across the street to buy a good box of matches.When Tommy came back,mother asked him,”Did you buy a good box of matches?”
“Yes,Mum.”Tommy replied,”I have tried them all.”
一盒小火柴
妈妈让汤米去马路对面的商店里买一盒好用的火柴。汤米回来后，妈妈问他，“你买的是好用的火柴吗？”
“是的，妈妈。”汤米回答，“我把它们都试过了。”
6)Father:Uh,oh,I think I just made an illegal right-hand turn.
Susie:That is okay ,dad,the policeman behind you just did the same thing!
开车
父亲：哎呀，我刚才违规右转弯了。
苏西：没事，爸，跟在你后面的警察也这么转了。
7)Little Robert asked his mother for tow cents.”What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?”
“I gave it to a poor old woman,”he answered.
“You’er a good boy,”said the mother proudly.”Here are tow cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?”
“She is the one who sells the candy.”
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆。”他回答说。“你真是一个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说. “再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
8)Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked,”What happened?”
“A kid bit me,”replied Ivan.
“Would you recognize him if you sew him again?”asked his mother.
“I’d know him any where,”said Ivan.”I have his ear in my pocket.”
他的耳朵在我的衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口。”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说，“他的耳朵还在我的衣兜里。”
9)Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

两只鸟
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

第三篇（有点长）

TOM'S EXCUSE
Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?
Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go
Slow".
汤姆的借口
老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到？
汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着："学校----慢行。"
DID YOUR DAD...
2)Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!"
and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!"
汤姆对着吉姆骂道:"我受不了你这个苯蛋了!"
吉姆说:"你妈妈能!"
附:bear 有两重意思:"生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点.
3)Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!"
and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!"
汤姆对着吉姆骂道:"我受不了你这个苯蛋了!"
吉姆说:"你妈妈能!"
附:bear 有两重意思:"生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点.
4)A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"
一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."
5)Mother sent Tommy to the store across the street to buy a good box of matches.When Tommy came back,mother asked him,”Did you buy a good box of matches?”
“Yes,Mum.”Tommy replied,”I have tried them all.”
一盒小火柴
妈妈让汤米去马路对面的商店里买一盒好用的火柴。汤米回来后，妈妈问他，“你买的是好用的火柴吗？”
“是的，妈妈。”汤米回答，“我把它们都试过了。”
6)Father:Uh,oh,I think I just made an illegal right-hand turn.
Susie:That is okay ,dad,the policeman behind you just did the same thing!
开车
父亲：哎呀，我刚才违规右转弯了。
苏西：没事，爸，跟在你后面的警察也这么转了。
7)Little Robert asked his mother for tow cents.”What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?”
“I gave it to a poor old woman,”he answered.
“You’er a good boy,”said the mother proudly.”Here are tow cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?”
“She is the one who sells the candy.”
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆。”他回答说。“你真是一个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说. “再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
8)Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked,”What happened?”
“A kid bit me,”replied Ivan.
“Would you recognize him if you sew him again?”asked his mother.
“I’d know him any where,”said Ivan.”I have his ear in my pocket.”
他的耳朵在我的衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口。”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说，“他的耳朵还在我的衣兜里。”
9)Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

两只鸟
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

『贰』 搞笑的英语情景长长对话

朝搞笑英语对话
一个老外，进到办公室，前台小姐左看右看，大家都在打游戏，面带微笑的：

前台小姐：“Hello.” 老外：“Hi.”
前台小姐：“You have what thing？”老外：“Can you speak english？”

前台小姐：“If I not speak english, I am speaking what？”
老外：“Can anybody else speak english？”
前台小姐：“You yourself look. All people are playing, no people have time, yo
u can wait, you wait, you not wait, you go！”
老外：“Good heavens. Anybody here can speak English？”
前台小姐：“Shout what shout, quiet a little, you on earth have what thing？”

老外：“I want to speak to your head.”前台小姐：“Head not zai. You tomorrow
come！”

『叁』 急求！英语三分钟搞笑情景对话！！

The chicken with three legs
旁白：One day,a driver drives his car to a village.He drives very fast,but he see a chicken over him.
司机（独白）：What?! Is that chicken?Why it can run so quickly! It's not true!
旁白：After one hour,the drive meet a farmer.
司机（对话）：Excuse me,do you know the chicken that can runs very quickly?
农场主：Of couse! It's my chicken! Did you see it?
司机：Yeah,when I drove with 80 kilometers per hour,I saw it in advance of me.
农场主：Oh,it's my new invent.Because most of visiter like eating chicken, so I invented the chincken with three legs.
司机：Wow,so fantastic! Is it delicious?
农场主：Sorry,I don't know. Because I never catch them.
如果一个人演鸡大概四个人……一个比较讽刺的小短剧，可能有语法错误，抱歉只能做到这样

『肆』 搞笑英语情景对话 英语演讲用

A man asked for a meal in a restaurant. The waiter brought the food and put it on the table. After a moment, the man called the waiter and said:

"Waiter! Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!"

"Please don't speak so loudly, sir," said the waiter, "or everyone will want one."

************************************************************

An English teacher wrote these words on the whiteboard: "woman without her man is nothing". The teacher then asked the students to punctuate the words correctly.

The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."

The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."

*************************************************************

Five Englishmen boarded a train just behind five Scots, who, as a group had only purchased one ticket. Just before the conctor came through, all the Scots piled into the toilet stall at the back of the car. As the conctor passed the stall, he knocked and called"Tickets, please!" and one of the Scots slid a ticket under the door. It was punched, pushed back under the door, and when it was safe all the Scots came out and took their seats. The Englishmen were tremendously impressed by the Scots' ingenuity. On the trip back, the five Englishmen decided to try this themselves and purchased only one ticket. They noticed that, oddly, the Scots had not purchased any tickets this time. Anyway, again, just before the conctor came through, the Scots piled into one of the toilet stalls, the Englishmen into the other. Then one of the Scots leaned out, knocked on the Englishmen's stall and called "Ticket, Please!" When the ticket slid out under the door, he picked it up and quickly closed the door.

『伍』 英语双人情景幽默对话

经典对话一：

男：Can I buy you a drink?（我可以为你买一杯饮料吗？）

女：Actually I’d rather have the money.（不必，我我宁愿留下那些钱。)

经典对话二：

男：Can I have your name?（直译：我能有你的名字吗？）

女：Why? Don’t you already have one? （为什么？你不是已经有一个了吗？）

经典对话三：

男：I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是摄影师。我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）

女：I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是整形外科医生。我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）

经典对话四：

男：Is this seat empty?（直译：这个座位是空的吧？）

女：Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.（是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。）

经典对话五：

男：Haven’t I seen you some place before?（我好像以前在什么地方见过你？）

女：Yes. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.（是的。这就是为什么我不再去那个地方的原因。）

经典对话六：

男：Will you go out with me this Saturday?（这个星期六你想跟我出去吗？）

女：Sorry. I’m having a headache this weekend.（抱歉。这个周末我头疼。）

『陆』 英语搞笑对话段子

搞笑对话搞笑英语情景对话一：

ose: Honey, mother needs a perch.
亲爱的，妈妈需要一个歇脚的地方。

Jack: Mother? We're the same age. Mom, you look so great.

妈?我们年纪差不大啊。妈，你看起来真美。

Mom: Stop kissing my ass, you little man. I haven't promised to give away my daughter. Just move away and I need a place to give away my sneeze first.

不要再拍我马屁了，你这个小个子。我还没答应要把我女儿送出去呢。挪开去，我需要一个地方先把我的喷嚏送出去。

Jack: Just a second. Use my special bag. Don't waste your sneeze.
等一下。用我这个特制袋。不要浪费了你的喷嚏。

Mom: Ahchoo! Sorry. I don't usually make that big noise.

阿切!不好意思通常没那么大声的。

Jack: That's all right. Can I have the bag please? I want to take it to my lab.

没关系。可以把那个袋子给我吗?我想带回实验室。

Mom: Are you joking? No. What are you going to do with my sneeze, weirdo? Aren't you that freak Frankensein, are you?

你在开玩笑吗?不。你这个怪人，你想对我的喷嚏做什么?你不是那个《科学怪人》吧?

Jack: I want to be though. I think his experiments are cool. Easy, mom. This is my job to study sneeze.

虽然我想, 我觉得他的试验都很酷. 放松, 妈.研究喷嚏,是我的工作.

Mom: Sneeze?

喷嚏?

Jack: Jesus! Help, Rose. Your Mom passed out. OMG.

天哪! 救命，罗思.妈晕过去了。天哪!

『柒』 英语二人幽默对话

One day, a village idiot won the first prize in the lottery(彩票).
“How did you guess the lucky number?” asked his neighbor.
“Well, three times, I dream of seven; so I figure it out that three times seven are twenty-four, and I bought the ticket with number 24 then I won the first prize.”
“Why, you blamed fool (你这个傻瓜！). Three times seven is twenty-one not twenty-four.”
“Is that so?” said the village idiot, Well, twenty-four won, anyway.”

参考资料： http://www.sowerclub.com/ViewTopic.php?id=138159

经典对话一：

男：Can I buy you a drink?（我可以为你买一杯饮料吗？）

女：Actually I’d rather have the money.（不必，我我宁愿留下那些钱。)

经典对话二：

男：Can I have your name?（直译：我能有你的名字吗？）

女：Why? Don’t you already have one? （为什么？你不是已经有一个了吗？）

经典对话三：

男：I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是摄影师。我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）

女：I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是整形外科医生。我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）

经典对话四：

男：Is this seat empty?（直译：这个座位是空的吧？）

女：Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.（是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。）

经典对话五：

男：Haven’t I seen you some place before?（我好像以前在什么地方见过你？）

女：Yes. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.（是的。这就是为什么我不再去那个地方的原因。）

经典对话六：

男：Will you go out with me this Saturday?（这个星期六你想跟我出去吗？）

女：Sorry. I’m having a headache this weekend.（抱歉。这个周末我头疼。）

经典对话七：

男：I think I could make you very happy.（我想我能让你非常快乐。）

女：Why? Are you leaving?（是吗？你是说你要离开？）

『捌』 急求！英语三人情景对话（要搞笑的）

顾客：小心，你的大拇指在我汤里了
服务员：别担心，先生，不是很烫！
Diner: Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup!
Waiter: Don't worry Sir it's not that hot!
一个服务员给顾客拿来了牛排，大拇指在牛肉上。
“你疯了吗？”顾客喊到，“你的手在我的牛排上！”
“什么？”服务员说，“你想让它再掉地上？”
A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat.
Are you crazy? yelled the customer with your hand on my steak?
What answers the waiter You want it to fall on the floor again?
服务员：茶或咖啡？先生。
第一个顾客：我要茶
第二个顾客：我也是茶——杯子要干净的！
服务员：两杯茶，哪个要干净的杯子？
Waiter: Tea or coffee gentlemen?
I'll have tea.
2nd customer: Me too - and be sure the glass is clean!
(Waiter exits returns)
Waiter: Two teas. Which one asked for the clean glass?
创新句子：我坚持用干净杯子喝茶。
服务员，这只苍蝇在我汤里干什么？
看起来象是在仰泳，
Waiter what's this fly doing in my soup?
Um looks to me to be backstroke sir...
服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！
别担心，先生，面包里的蜘蛛会干掉它。
Waiter there's a fly in my soup!
Don't worry sir the spider on the breadroll will get 'em.
服务员，我汤里有只苍蝇！
不是，先生，那是蟑螂，苍蝇在你牛排里。
Waiter there's a fly in my soup!
No sir that's a cockroach the fly is on your steak.
服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！
别让别人看见，先生，要不别人都要。
Waiter there's a fly in my soup!
Keep it down sir or they'll all be wanting one.
服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！
我知道，先生，我们没有另收钱。
Waiter there's a fly in my soup!
Its OK Sir there's no extra charge!
服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！
对不起，先生，我弄走那三个时忘了这个。
Waiter there is a fly in my soup!
Sorry sir maybe I've forgotten it when I removed the other three.
服务员，汤里有只死苍蝇！
是的，先生，是开水杀死了它们。
Waiter there's a dead fly in my soup!
Yes sir it's the hot water that kills them.