英语幽默小品

Ⅰ 英语搞笑小品剧本（要简单点）

12分钟好象有点长，我这里有我参加“星星火炬英语风采大赛”的剧本。参考一下额
Time ancient times. Character Mister Dongguo, wolf, hunter, old
apricot tree, Lao Niu, old farmer." In wilderness the mist and st is
billowing, shouts the acoustic shock day. In shouted that, " fight wolves!pursues (a wolf belt arrow wound to go on stage)
wolf: I originally am
come from the north wolf, but in today the arrow was injured (wolf
lamely to run) [ Mister Dongguo to carry on the book pouch, on the one
hand walks on the other hand self-effacingly recites poetry.)
Guo: From a pot of wine among the flowers
I drank alone. There was no one with me --
Till, raising my cup, I asked the bright moon
To bring me my shadow and make us three.

(Between the flower a pot liquor, drinks alone without the intimate.
Raises glass invites the bright moonlight, becomes three people to the
shade) (suddenly to discover on road crowd of ants, heart of the
mercy, has lifted a foot does not enre to lay down)
Guo: (Reads)
walks not injuries the cricket 蚁命 manner to have to have the mercy
heart (cautiously to bypass ant, after continues to lead the way)
(field shout big quake)
Guo: What happened next? The United States
military has joined battle with Iraq? (Wolf runs has come up) the
wolf: The alt saves a life, behind had a hunter to have to peel my
skin, rescued me!
Guo: Good good, is the person to want to be sincere
(was saying behind, dismounts the package, all but actually came out
the inside book)
Guo: You first hide in this package (wolf lamely
sneak in package) (Mister Dongguo to carry book pouch, continues to
walk) (on hunter) the hunter asks
Guo: Ask scholar's, has seen the
wolf which was injured to pass a moment ago?
Guo: Not.
Hunter: Thanks
gentleman. After (under hunter) (waits hunter to walk far, Mister
Dongguo put wolf from book pouch has gotten down)

Guo: The hunter walked, you in a big hurry escape the
wolf: Is
not I does not want to walk, I really am tired hungry
Guo: What then
you do want to eat?
Wolf: I must eat your meat! ! (Reveals fierce and antagonistic
expression)
Guo: Why then you do want to eat me? I have graciousness
and you

Wolf: Because you me stuffily in book pouch too long
Guo:
Really is the good intention not good newspaper. Is not good, I must
go ask the person to figure out! (Said, brings wolf to go) (to walk to
an old tree under)
Guo: Sets up eldest sister, I rescued the wolf, the
wolf have actually had to eat me. You to me comment this principle!
Tree: Should eat! (Wolf self-satisfied has smiled) the tree: Your
humanity endlessly cutted the piece of trees, continually our these old trees do
not let off, burns us with the fire. Why can't the wolf eat you? Ate
you to be able few indivial to damage the nature (under old tree,
wolf slowly approached Mister Dongguo) (by now on cow)
Guo: Holds on a minute, lets me ask Niu eldest brother Guo: Eldest
brother Niu, my good intention has rescued this wolf, now it actually
must eat me. Should you said? Cow: This! Our Lao Niu gives birth to
must do this for your humanity to do that, drinks or our milk. But we
only eat the worst fodder every day, rest the worst cowshed, you also
had to dig up our cowhide to make money. The old wolf should eat you.
Wolf: (Sneers). Looked you also have any flattery (under cow) (on
farmer) Guo: And so on one and so on, the distant place has come an
old farmer. Asks him to figure out, if he said you should eat me, I
have complied with. Wolf: Good, I give you last the opportunity. Guo:
The old uncle, I has rescued this wolf, it actually ungratefully must
eat me. You said this makes sense? The farmer asks the wolf: Why did
you want to eat your savior? Wolf: He too has been stuffily long me in
the book pouch, almost suffocates me (farmer to take up book pouch,
about about looks at) the farmer: Was this book pouch such small, how
many installs the book all not to be able to install, how installed
under you? Or you demonstrate to me have a look? Wolf: The
demonstration (said on the demonstration, earth-boring auger has
leisurely gone in) the farmer to settle on the time, grips tightly the
book pouch mouth, ties up with the string. The wolf on is stranded in
the inside farmer: Silly scholar, the wild animal eventually is a wild
animal, could not change natural disposition. Is the person surely not
to be able to be excessively benevolent! Guo: (Nod name is) indeed
indeed, declines office e to old age the uncle to teach the farmer:
Then the present, we "solved" it (say. Two people treat the book pouch
to pummel, the farmer also uses the hoe to pound the wolf. The wolf
sends out the sorrowful bugle call in inside, one could not not then
have the sound of something astir) (farmer and Mister Dongguo shook
hand, separates from each other)

The curtain falls, all actor goes on stage.
时间 古代。
人物 东郭先生、狼 、猎人、老杏树，老牛、老农。”
荒野中烟尘滚滚，喊声震天。
内喊：“打狼啊，追啊
（一狼带箭伤上场，）
狼：我本是一只来自北方的狼，无奈今天中箭受了伤
（狼一瘸一拐跑下）
〔东郭先生背着书囊上，边走边摇头晃脑地念诗。）
郭： From a pot of wine among the flowers
I drank alone. There was no one with me --
Till, raising my cup, I asked the bright moon
To bring me my shadow and make us three.
（花间一壶酒，独酌无相亲。举杯邀明月，对影成三人）
（忽然发现路上一群蚂蚁，顿起慈悲之心，已举起的一只脚不忍放下）
郭： （念）走路莫伤蝼蚁命
为人要有慈悲心
（小心翼翼地绕过蚂蚁，继续前行）
（后场喊声大震，）
郭：又发生了什么事？美军又与伊拉克交战了吗？
（狼跑过上来）
狼：大人救命，后面有个猎人要剥了我的皮，救救我吧！
郭：好吧好吧，做人要厚道
（说着，卸下背后的包，把里面的书都倒了出来）
郭：你先躲在这个包里吧
（狼一瘸一拐地钻进包里）
（东郭先生背着书囊，继续走）
（猎人上，）
猎人问郭： 请问秀才，刚才看见一只受伤的狼过去了吗？
郭：没有啊。
猎人：谢谢先生。
（猎人下）
（待猎人走远后，东郭先生把狼从书囊里放了下来）

郭：猎人已走，你快快逃命去吧
狼：不是我不想走，我实在是又累又饿
郭：那你要吃什么？
狼：我要吃你的肉！！（露出凶狠表情）
郭：那你为何要吃我？我有恩与你

狼：因为你把我闷在书囊里太久了
郭：真是好心没好报。不行，我要去找人评理！
（说完，带着狼向前去）
（走到一棵老树下）郭：树大姐，我救了狼，狼却要吃我。你给我评评这个理！
树：该吃！
（狼得意的笑了）
树：你们人类无休止地乱砍乱伐，连我们这些老树也不放过，用火来烧我们。狼为什么不能吃你呢？吃了你就能少个人来祸害大自然了
（老树下，狼慢慢逼近东郭先生）
（这时牛上了）
郭： 且慢，让我去问问牛大哥
郭：牛大哥，我好心救了这只狼，现在它却要吃我。你说该不该？
牛：该！我们老牛生下来就要为你们人类干这干那，喝的还是我们的奶。可我们每天只吃最差的草料、睡最差的牛棚，你们还要扒了我们的牛皮去赚钱。老狼该吃你。
狼：（冷笑）。看你还有什么好说的
（牛下）（农夫上）
郭：等一等，远处来了一位老农夫。找他评理，要是他说你该吃了我，我就遵从。
狼：好，我就给你最后一次机会。
郭：老伯，我救了这只狼，它却忘恩负义地要吃我。你说这有道理吗？
农夫问狼：你为何要吃了你的救命恩人？
狼：他把我闷在书囊里太久了，差点闷死我
（农夫拿起书囊，上下左右看了看）
农夫：这书囊这么小，装书都装不了多少，怎么装的下你？要不你示范给我看看？
狼：示范就示范
（说完，慢慢悠悠地钻了进去）
农夫看准时间，把书囊口扎紧，用绳子绑好。狼就被困在里面了
农夫：傻秀才啊，野兽终究是野兽，改不了本性的。做人千万不能过分仁慈！
郭：（点头称是）的确的确，多谢老伯教诲
农夫：那么现在，我们就把它“解决了吧”
（说罢。两人对着书囊拳打脚踢，农夫还用锄头砸狼。狼在里面发出哀号声，不一会便没了动静）
（农夫与东郭先生握了握手，分道扬镳）

幕落，全体演员上场。
剧本是我自己写的，希望给你帮上忙啊

Ⅱ 有哪些搞笑的英文小品

老妈叫我翻译!!!(超强爆笑)
今天我正在看碟，老妈又捧了本书进来，说道：给我讲讲这几句话什么意思

老妈：这个“i don’t know.“是什么意思？

我说：“我不知道”

老妈：送你上大学上了几年，你怎么什么都不知道！！

我说：不是！就是“我不知道”吗！！

老妈：还嘴硬！！！！$@％!#$^&％#$％@$％@#$％!^％^!^％$^#&..(一顿爆揍)

老妈：你在给我说说这个。“i know.“是什么意思你该知道吧，给我说说。

我说：是“我知道“

老妈：知道就快说。

我说：就是“我知道“

老妈：找茬呀你？刚才收拾你收拾的轻了是不？

我说：就是我知道呀！

老妈：知道你还不说！！不懂不要装懂！&*$％^@$#!％$@^％#*$^^^##$％(又一顿爆揍)

老妈：你给我小心点，花那么多钱送你上大学，搞的现在什么都不会，会那么一丁点东西还跟老娘摆谱，再问你最后一个，你给我好好解释一下，说不出来我在收拾你，你给我翻译一下“i know but i don’t want to tell you.“是什么意思？

我晕倒，拿起枕头往头上爆砸三十几下，用头撞墙四十多下，双手轮番抽自己嘴巴五十多下，用腿踢桌子角六十多下，血肉模糊之时，我问老妈：这下你满意吧

这不她老人家又来问我了:“儿啊,i`m very annoyance,don`t tuouble me .是什么意思啊~?“

我:“我很烦,别烦我“

老妈:“找打,跟你妈这么说话“(于是被扁)

老妈又问;“i hear nothing,repeat. 是what意思啊“

我说:“我没听清,再说一次“

老妈又说了一遍:i hear nothing,repeat“

“我没听清,再说一次“

结果被扁

老妈再问:“what do you say “又怎么解释呢“

我说:“你说什么“(再次被扁)

老妈再问:“look up in the dictionary“是何意啊’

我说:“查字典“

“查字典我还问你做甚“(被扁)

老妈又问:you had better ask some body.怎么翻呢“

我说:“你最好问别人“

“你是我儿子,我问别人干吗,又找打.“

“啊!god save me !“

“上帝救救我吧!”

“耍你老妈玩,上帝也救不了你!(被扁)

我再问你:“use you head,then think it over,又是什么意思啊!“

我说:“动动脑子,再仔细想想.“

“臭小子,还敢耍我“接着又要动手

我连忙说:“是世上只有妈妈好的意思”

“嗯,这还差不多,一会我给你做好吃的,明天再问你”【好笑不？】

Ⅲ 小学英语幽默小品

搞笑小学英语小品剧本《新守株待兔》

人物：农夫，兔子A，兔子B，大树。

农夫：I’m a farmer.（稍停顿）[走两步]A cool farmer.（掏出墨镜戴上）[冷酷地走两步，突然被绊了一跤，继续保持冷酷]Eh...When I was yong,I studied in Xu~~~~chuan Middle School.So, I’m rich now！[开始展示名牌，边说边掏]Look！This is my modern

mobile——Nokia WC 250！This is my watch!This is my MP3!These are my shoes——(夸张低沉地)ADIDAS!This is… [不经意地掏出一个苹果]Oh,sorry.[扔掉苹果]It’s this![从怀里掏出痒痒挠] Do you know what’s this？痒痒挠？No no no~~You are out!!It’s my modern——锄头~！！[看下表] It is time to do some farming！[开始弯下腰做出锄地的动作]

树：I’m a tree!I can do many things!I can sing![做出疯狂摇滚歌手的动作，哼哼哈西！！！]I can dance![跳四小天鹅] Oh?There comes a rabbit! [引导观众看兔子A)。树站回后台]

兔子A：OK,I’m a rabbit. Now I’m just walking around here.

[农夫继续锄地，边锄边上场，突然看见前面有个兔子]

农夫：（惊喜地）Lunch！[扔掉痒痒挠]I will catch it！ [偷偷摸摸地跟到兔子后面走]

[农夫跟在兔子后面。两个人走啊走。兔子突然回头。农夫假装看手表。两人继续走。兔子回头。农夫假装看天气。两人继续走。兔子回头。农夫假装打手机。两人继续走，兔子回头。这次农夫冷酷地把枪口对准了兔子。]

兔子A：Wahhhh~!（吓一跳）What do you want?

Ⅳ 幽默英语小品

语搞笑话剧《孔雀东南飞》

作者：佚名 文章来源：本站原创 点击数：7713 更新时间：2005-11-27

Wanderseveryfivemiles
焦仲卿Johnny(Jforshort)刘兰芝Lunch(Lforshort)
焦母Johnny’smother(JMforshort)刘母Lunch’smother(LMforshort)
太守之子Mayor’sson(MSforshort)强盗Burglars(ABandC)

Prologue本文转自：www.coffbar.com小品剧本，简历封面，免费电影

(J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪)
J:EverybodysaysthatI’mhenpecked,butinfact,I’masstrongasatiger,(小声)whilemy
wifeisWuSong.
(指着上台处的门大声道)I’mnotafraidofyou!
(内砸出一脸盆,J接住当成盾牌护着头)Then,I’mafraidofwhom?
-hood.Sheisbraverthanme,
.AllthisIdonotcare.Ionlywanthertobetender
thanme.Butsheisnot!!
(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J)
MyGod!Whocanhelpme?(下)

Act1
(序幕结束时,JM作窃听状)
JM(拄拐棍上):Ican!
(对门内)Lunch!Lunch!Whereareyou?
L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’mhere!What’supmum?
JM:I’“mymostbeautifulgracefuland
dearestmother-in-law”.
L:OK.-in-law,what’sup?
JM:.Youhavebeensorude,sobrusque,so
lazy……
L:But……
JM:Neverinterruptme!
L:Neverinterruptme!SinceImarriedyourson,thatterribleJohnny,Ihavebeenworkinghardall
daylong,cookingandwashing.
and……
JM:!
L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh,youwantagrandson,don’tyou?(开始解围裙)Goandaskyour
son.I’mleaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下)

Act2
(LM坐在台上打毛线,L拿着锅铲上)
L:Mum,I’mback!
LM:Youareback?Why?Whathappened?
L:–in-law.
LM(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See!Ihavealreadytoldyou!Whenyouinsistedon
marryingthatterribleJohnny,,butyoudidnotlisten
tome.Lookatyourself……
L:But,mum……
LM:Neverinterruptme!
L:Mum,I’mnotinterruptingyou.?And
I’llmarrywhomeveryouwantmeto.
LM(大喜):Nicegirl!Justnow,Imetthemayor’ssoninthemarket.Hesaid:“Ifyoudaughter
Haven’tbeenmarried,Ireallyreallywanttomarryher!”Nowyouarefreeagain,I’llgo
andtellhim.(下)
L(惊愕):What?Themayor’sson?-hood?(手中的锅
铲掉在地上)WhatasillythingIhavedone!(下)

Act3本文转自：www.coffbar.com小品剧本，简历封面，免费电影

(J睡眼惺忪上)
J(边走边道):Lunch!Lunch!Wherearemysocks?
(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)Heretheyare!(闻一下) Er!Howsmelly!Theyarestilldirty!
(突然想起)Lunchhasgone!Ihavetowashthemmyself.
(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)Oh,I’msohungry!Butthere’snobreakfast!(捡起地上的围
裙)ThisiswhatLunchalwayswears!Imisshersomuch,andherexcellentcookingskill!Now
shehasgone..
JM(上):Where’smybreakfast?Where’sLunch?Hasn’tshegotupyet?
J:Mum,can’tyouremember?Lunchhasgone!
JM(沉吟片刻):Well,totellyouthetruthJohnny,asonwithoutawifeisuseless.Lunchisanice
girl,goandtakeherback!
J(立正敬礼):Yesmadam!

Act4
(J开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)
A:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!
Theroadisbuiltbyme!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)
B:AndIplantedonetree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)
C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---(欲踩石头，但踩到了A的脚)
AB&C:Giveusallyourmoney!
J(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角硬币):Is1maoenough?
(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)
A:Whatbadluck!Thisguyisbroken!
B:Ifwecannotrobanymoneytoday,wewillhavenothingtoeattonight!
C:Iheardthatthemayor’.WEcangoand
robthewedding!
A&B:Goodidea!
J(惊讶):What?What?Lunchisgoingtogetmarried?It’simpossible!
AB&C:Why?Aprettygirlandarichman,whatagoodcouple!
J:ButLunchismywife!Wehaven’tgotdivorcedyet!
(突然有了主意)I’vegotanidea!Youaregoingtorobthewedding,don’tyou?I’llgo
withyou..
B:Haveyougotanyexperience?
J:No.ButI’vegotthis!(J脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄1，000，000)

Act5

(转眼已到了婚礼之期．MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，J盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)
(J和三强盗跃至台中)
ABC&J:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!
A:Theroadisbuiltbyme!
B:AndIplantedonetree.
C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---
J:Giveusallyourmoney!
(L听到J的声音，掀起了盖头)
L(惊喜万分):Johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到J的身边并躲到了的身后)
(MS大怒，挥拳向J打来．J矮身一躲，MS打中了J身后的L，L晕倒)
J(火冒三丈):Howdareyoubeatmywife!（挥拳向MS冲去）
(J与MS混战，JM上，以拐杖击晕MS)
(J将MS胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)
J(扶起L，关切地问):Honey,howareyou?
L(哭状):Ihurtalot!
J:Don’tcrybaby.I’llgoandfetchthemedicine. (下)
L(起身去追):Waitforme! (跑下)
(音乐起 CanYouCelebrate)

A man took a pair of shoes to a shoe repair shop and said to the shoemaker, "I'd like you to repair these shoes for me, please."

"Certainly, sir," the shoemaker said.

"When will they be ready?" the man asked.

"I'm a bit busy, but they'll probably be ready for you on Thursday," he said.

"That's fine," the man said, and left the shop.

The next morning he received a letter, offering him a job in another country. Within 24 hors he was on an airplane to his new job.

Twenty years passed and he returned to his hometown.

He remembered his shoes.

"They were a good pair of shoes," he thought. "I wonderif the shoemaker is still there and still has them. I'll go and see."

He was pleased to see that the shoemaker was still in the same shop, although he was an old man by now.

"Good morning," he said to him. "Twenty years ago, Ibrought in a pair of shoes to be repaired. Do you think you've still got them?"

"Name?" the old shoemaker asked.

"Smith," the man said.

"I'll go and see. They may be out back."

The shoemaker went out to the back of his shop and a few minutes later returned, carrying the pair of shoes.

"Here we are," he said. "One pair of brown shoes to be repaired. I'm a bit busy now but they'll probably be ready on Thursday

Ⅳ 英语幽默小品

《孔雀东南飞》英语剧本，搞笑版的孔雀东南飞故事。

Wanderseveryfivemiles
焦仲卿Johnny(Jforshort)刘兰芝Lunch(Lforshort)
焦母Johnny’smother(JMforshort)刘母Lunch’smother(LMforshort)
太守之子Mayor’sson(MSforshort)强盗Burglars(ABandC)

Prologue本文转自：www.coffbar.com小品剧本，简历封面，免费电影

(J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪)
J:EverybodysaysthatI’mhenpecked,butinfact,I’masstrongasatiger,(小声)whilemy
wifeisWuSong.
(指着上台处的门大声道)I’mnotafraidofyou!
(内砸出一脸盆,J接住当成盾牌护着头)Then,I’mafraidofwhom?
-hood.Sheisbraverthanme,
.AllthisIdonotcare.Ionlywanthertobetender
thanme.Butsheisnot!!
(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J)
MyGod!Whocanhelpme?(下)

Act1
(序幕结束时,JM作窃听状)
JM(拄拐棍上):Ican!
(对门内)Lunch!Lunch!Whereareyou?
L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’mhere!What’supmum?
JM:I’“mymostbeautifulgracefuland
dearestmother-in-law”.
L:OK.-in-law,what’sup?
JM:.Youhavebeensorude,sobrusque,so
lazy……
L:But……
JM:Neverinterruptme!
L:Neverinterruptme!SinceImarriedyourson,thatterribleJohnny,Ihavebeenworkinghardall
daylong,cookingandwashing.
and……
JM:!
L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh,youwantagrandson,don’tyou?(开始解围裙)Goandaskyour
son.I’mleaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下)

Act2
(LM坐在台上打毛线,L拿着锅铲上)
L:Mum,I’mback!
LM:Youareback?Why?Whathappened?
L:–in-law.
LM(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See!Ihavealreadytoldyou!Whenyouinsistedon
marryingthatterribleJohnny,,butyoudidnotlisten
tome.Lookatyourself……
L:But,mum……
LM:Neverinterruptme!
L:Mum,I’mnotinterruptingyou.?And
I’llmarrywhomeveryouwantmeto.
LM(大喜):Nicegirl!Justnow,Imetthemayor’ssoninthemarket.Hesaid:“Ifyoudaughter
Haven’tbeenmarried,Ireallyreallywanttomarryher!”Nowyouarefreeagain,I’llgo
andtellhim.(下)
L(惊愕):What?Themayor’sson?-hood?(手中的锅
铲掉在地上)WhatasillythingIhavedone!(下)

Act3本文转自：www.coffbar.com小品剧本，简历封面，免费电影

(J睡眼惺忪上)
J(边走边道):Lunch!Lunch!Wherearemysocks?
(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)Heretheyare!(闻一下) Er!Howsmelly!Theyarestilldirty!
(突然想起)Lunchhasgone!Ihavetowashthemmyself.
(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)Oh,I’msohungry!Butthere’snobreakfast!(捡起地上的围
裙)ThisiswhatLunchalwayswears!Imisshersomuch,andherexcellentcookingskill!Now
shehasgone..
JM(上):Where’smybreakfast?Where’sLunch?Hasn’tshegotupyet?
J:Mum,can’tyouremember?Lunchhasgone!
JM(沉吟片刻):Well,totellyouthetruthJohnny,asonwithoutawifeisuseless.Lunchisanice
girl,goandtakeherback!
J(立正敬礼):Yesmadam!

Act4
(J开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)
A:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!
Theroadisbuiltbyme!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)
B:AndIplantedonetree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)
C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---(欲踩石头，但踩到了A的脚)
AB&C:Giveusallyourmoney!
J(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角硬币):Is1maoenough?
(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)
A:Whatbadluck!Thisguyisbroken!
B:Ifwecannotrobanymoneytoday,wewillhavenothingtoeattonight!
C:Iheardthatthemayor’.WEcangoand
robthewedding!
A&B:Goodidea!
J(惊讶):What?What?Lunchisgoingtogetmarried?It’simpossible!
AB&C:Why?Aprettygirlandarichman,whatagoodcouple!
J:ButLunchismywife!Wehaven’tgotdivorcedyet!
(突然有了主意)I’vegotanidea!Youaregoingtorobthewedding,don’tyou?I’llgo
withyou..
B:Haveyougotanyexperience?
J:No.ButI’vegotthis!(J脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄1，000，000)

Act5本文转自：www.coffbar.com小品剧本，简历封面，免费电影

(转眼已到了婚礼之期．MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，J盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)
(J和三强盗跃至台中)
ABC&J:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!
A:Theroadisbuiltbyme!
B:AndIplantedonetree.
C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---
J:Giveusallyourmoney!
(L听到J的声音，掀起了盖头)
L(惊喜万分):Johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到J的身边并躲到了的身后)
(MS大怒，挥拳向J打来．J矮身一躲，MS打中了J身后的L，L晕倒)
J(火冒三丈):Howdareyoubeatmywife!（挥拳向MS冲去）
(J与MS混战，JM上，以拐杖击晕MS)
(J将MS胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)
J(扶起L，关切地问):Honey,howareyou?
L(哭状):Ihurtalot!
J:Don’tcrybaby.I’llgoandfetchthemedicine. (下)
L(起身去追):Waitforme! (跑下)
(音乐起 CanYouCelebrate)

the end

本篇文章来源于 中国相声泡泡网 原文链接：http://www.xspop.cn/xp/6/3/2008-04-24/58515.html

Ⅵ 搞笑简短的英语小品

The little girl liked wearing a red coat. So everybody called her Little Red Coat.One day, her grandma had a cold. Her mother said to Little Red Coat, “my dear, send some bananas and cakes to your grandma.”As she walked through the forest, a wolf saw her, “Hello, litter girl. Where are you going?”“I’m going to my grandma’s house. She has got a cold.” Said Little Red Coat.“Where does she live?” asked the wolf.“She lives in the house near the forest. There are some big trees in front of her house.” Said Little Red Coat. “Bye-bye, little girl.” The wolf ran to the grandma’s house.Grandma asked, “Who is it?”“It’s me, Little Red Coat.” said the wolf.“Come in, please.”The big wolf opened the door and walked into the room. He ate Grandma up.He put on Grandma’s coat and trousers. Then he lay in bed.Little Red Coat walked into her grandma’s room. “What big eyes you have got, Grandma!” she said.“Because I want to see your pretty face.”said the wolf.“What a big mouth you have got, Grandma!”she said.“Because I want to eat you, my dear.”said the wolf.“Oh, no!”cried the little girl.The bad wolf ate Little Red Coat, too.The wolf was sleeping on Grandma’s bed.At this time, a hunter came and saw the wolf. “What a big stomach he has got! Grandma must be in his stomach.”thought the hunter.The hunter cut open the wolf. Grandma and Little Red Coat were still alive. They jumped out of the wolf.Grandma and Little Red Coat were very happy. “Thank you.”they said to the hunter.
帮你沾来的，呵呵

Ⅶ 英语小品剧本 要搞笑点的3、4分钟左右 急用最好带有教育性的

Characters: Narrator(N), Salesman(S), Dad(D), Maggie(M), Alice(A), Candy(C), Policeman(P)
Preparation: 学校布景，做糖果用桌及相关材料，小贩家布景

Scene1（At Salesman’s home）

N: In a dark dirty house, there lived a small, dirty salesman. He always makes unhealthy candies and sells them to the students. He has a lot of money now. But how does he make the candies? Oh, xu …… He is coming!
S: Hello, do you know me? No? Oh, let me tell you .I’m the famous candy salesman at the school gate. My candies are very popular,(展示)，I don’t know why. The foolish students always come here. I’ll be a boss soon! Candy, money, candy, money……
Oops! It’s time to make candies now.(看表)
First, put the flour on the table.
Then, water, sugar, flour.(边说边做)
Now press, press……
Oh, my dirty hands! Never mind! Just do it!(满不在意的神情)
Press, press……
Oh, my god!(鼻涕)Never mind! Just do it!
Press, press, the children will not know it , it’s OK,hehehe……
Now let me cut it into pieces!
One, two, three, four, five……（用脏菜刀）
Wow, everything is ready!
糖果钻出来（跳舞），跳完后，非常难过地说：Oh, I’m so dirty and ugly! What can I do? The students will eat me! And they will be ill! Wuwuwu…
S: Mmmm…It looks dirty, let me give you a nice coat! (给它穿上) Wow! Now it’s so beautiful! Haha……
C: Oh, no! Don’t sell me! I’m dirty!(拖糖果下场)

Scene2（At the school gate）

N: The next day, when the class is over, all the students come out happily and the salesman goes to the school gate as usual. （Maggie和Alice 欢快地跑出校门，看到小贩）
(小贩拉着糖上场，吆喝)：Candies! Candies! Sweet candies! ……
M: Oh, Alice! Look! Candies!
A: Yeah! I think they are yummy!
M: Let’s ask him.
A: OK!
C: Don’t buy me！（非常焦急）
M&A: Why?
C: I’m dirty！
M: No, you look nice!
C: What can I do? (面向观众) Wuwuwu…(小贩将她拉在后面)
S: Candies! Candies!（引诱两个女孩）
M&A: How much are they?
S: Do you have money?（轻蔑）
M&A: Money?(对视)

M:Oh, I’ve no money!（失落之极）
A: Me too.
S: No money? So sorry!(吆喝着走开，下场)
M: What can we do now?
A: Let’s ask dad for money.

Ⅷ 英语搞笑小品

中小学英语剧本文章列表
[中小学英语剧本]龟兔赛跑 佚名 12-06
[中小学英语剧本]Pull up the turnip 佚名 12-06
[中小学英语剧本]远 离 网 吧Keep Away From the Net 佚名 12-06
[中小学英语剧本]The Ugly Duckling 佚名 12-06
[中小学英语剧本]《白雪公主》英语童话剧 佚名 09-18
[中小学英语剧本]AprilFool'sDay 佚名 04-03
[中小学英语剧本]玛菲女儿《吐蕃来使求娶文成公主》（独幕剧） 小吗啡（… 12-08
[中小学英语剧本]英语短剧： The Tortoise and the Hare（龟兔赛跑） 尚丽娟（… 11-27
[中小学英语剧本]英语短剧：The Fox and the Tiger（狐假虎威） 尚丽娟（… 11-27
[中小学英语剧本]英语童话剧：白雪公主<剧本> 佚名 11-27
[中小学英语剧本]儿童英语剧本Little Red coat 佚名 11-27
[中小学英语剧本]英语表演剧本--小狮子找食物 佚名 11-27
[中小学英语剧本]英语小品剧本-----小红帽 佚名 11-27
[中小学英语剧本]英文小品The Ants and the Picnic 佚名 11-10
[中小学英语剧本]Jungle Story 张宇 11-10
[中小学英语剧本]The Three Bears 张宇 11-10
[中小学英语剧本]Little Red Riding Hood 张宇 11-10
[中小学英语剧本]Cinderella 张宇 11-10
[中小学英语剧本]Little Duck 佚名 11-10
http://www.coffbar.com/Article/midpre/midpren/Index.html