英語對話搞笑

㈠ 英語搞笑對話

經典對話一：
男：Can I buy you a drink?（我可以為你買一杯飲料嗎？）

女：Actually I』d rather have the money.（不必，我我寧願留下那些錢。)

經典對話二：

男：Can I have your name?（直譯：我能有你的名字嗎？）

女：Why? Don』t you already have one? （為什麼？你不是已經有一個了嗎？）

經典對話三：

男：I』m a photographer. I』ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是攝影師。我一直在尋找一張像你這樣的臉。）

女：I』m a plastic surgeon. I』ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是整形外科醫生。我也一直在尋找一張像你這樣的臉。）

經典對話四：

男：Is this seat empty?（直譯：這個座位是空的吧？）

女：Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.（是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。）

經典對話五：

男：Haven』t I seen you some place before?（我好像以前在什麼地方見過你？）

女：Yes. That』s why I don』t go there anymore.（是的。這就是為什麼我不再去那個地方的原因。）

經典對話六：

男：Will you go out with me this Saturday?（這個星期六你想跟我出去嗎？）

女：Sorry. I』m having a headache this weekend.（抱歉。這個周末我頭疼。）

經典對話七：

男：I think I could make you very happy.（我想我能讓你非常快樂。）

女：Why? Are you leaving?（是嗎？你是說你要離開？）

㈡ 英語幽默對話

Teacher: When you yawn, your supposed to put your hand to your mouth!
Pupil: What ?, and get bitten!

Teacher: You aren't paying attention to me. Are you having trouble hearing?
Pupil: No, teacher I'm having trouble listening!

Why were you late?
Sorry, teacher, I overslept.
You mean you need to sleep at home too!

Teacher: Class, we will have only half a day of school this morning.
Class: Hooray
Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon!

Teacher: That's quite a cough you have there, what are you taking for it?
Pupil: I don't know teacher. What will you give me?

Son: I can't go to school today.
Father: Why not?
Son: I don't feel well
Teacher: Where don't you feel well?
Son: In school!

Teacher: You missed school yesterday didn't you?
Pupil: Not very much!

Father: I hear you skipped school to play football
Son: No I didn't, and I have the fish to prove it!

Pupil (on phone) : My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today.
School Secretary: Who is this?
Pupil: This is my father speaking!

Father: How do you like going to school?
Son: The going bit is fine, as is the coming home bit too, but I'm not too keen on the time in-between!

參考資料：http://www.91come.cn/Html/Article/en/school/57398190952.html

1.Today, I want to tell you a joke, the three countries onto ghosts, the Chinese, French, British, gather together,they are squandering their respective countries to see whose spending even more strongly that the French people to put only rats drank whiskey irrigation, drinking,No go rat holes that rats on the dizzy, the British Brandy also filling the rats, the rats drank just afterHalo quickly on the Chinese people to the country's irrigation Erguotou mice, rats drilling holes.While Britain and France onto China onto the ghosts of ghosts laugh when I saw the rats out from the pit, holding a stick, shouting, cats,You give up.
2.Once upon a time ,a stupid guy went to the doctor's.
"What's the matter with you",asked the doctor.
"I have been broken all!",said the fool .
"Broken all,what's it mean?",the doctor was surprised.
Then,the fool pointed to his head and said:"Ouch!There is something wrong with my head."after that,he pointed to his back and said :"ouch,my back hurt."then,he touch his nose and said:"ouch,my nose hurt"……
The doctor thought a while and said :"you have a bad finger"
從前，有個傻瓜去看醫生。那醫生問他有什麼病。那傻瓜說他全身傷了。那醫生很疑惑。接著，那傻瓜用手指著頭說：「很痛，我的頭傷了。」接著，有指著背，鼻子，說它們都傷了。
那醫生想了一會兒，說：「你的手指傷了。」
3.A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"

一男子進入教堂和上帝對話.他問:"主啊, 一百萬美元對你意味著多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又問:"那一百萬年呢?"上帝說:"一秒鍾."最後男子請求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士嗎?"上帝回答:"過一秒鍾."
4.Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says
"Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"!

四個好朋友在醫院里碰面了,他們的妻子正在生產.護士過來對第一個男人說:"恭喜,你得了雙胞胎."男人說:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼蘇達雙子隊的經理."過了一會兒,護士過來對第二個男人說:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜歡:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最後,護士跑來對第三個男人說:"恭喜,你得了2對雙胞胎."男人很開心地說:"真令人啼笑皆非,我為四季賓館工作."他們三個都很高興,但第四個夥伴急得像熱鍋上的螞蟻,咒罵上帝並用頭撞牆.他們問他有什麼不對勁,他回答道:"什麼不對勁?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"
呵呵,一個比一個效率高.

㈢ 英語搞笑對話段子

搞笑對話搞笑英語情景對話一：

ose: Honey, mother needs a perch.
親愛的，媽媽需要一個歇腳的地方。

Jack: Mother? We're the same age. Mom, you look so great.

媽?我們年紀差不大啊。媽，你看起來真美。

Mom: Stop kissing my ass, you little man. I haven't promised to give away my daughter. Just move away and I need a place to give away my sneeze first.

不要再拍我馬屁了，你這個小個子。我還沒答應要把我女兒送出去呢。挪開去，我需要一個地方先把我的噴嚏送出去。

Jack: Just a second. Use my special bag. Don't waste your sneeze.
等一下。用我這個特製袋。不要浪費了你的噴嚏。

Mom: Ahchoo! Sorry. I don't usually make that big noise.

阿切!不好意思通常沒那麼大聲的。

Jack: That's all right. Can I have the bag please? I want to take it to my lab.

沒關系。可以把那個袋子給我嗎?我想帶回實驗室。

Mom: Are you joking? No. What are you going to do with my sneeze, weirdo? Aren't you that freak Frankensein, are you?

你在開玩笑嗎?不。你這個怪人，你想對我的噴嚏做什麼?你不是那個《科學怪人》吧?

Jack: I want to be though. I think his experiments are cool. Easy, mom. This is my job to study sneeze.

雖然我想, 我覺得他的試驗都很酷. 放鬆, 媽.研究噴嚏,是我的工作.

Mom: Sneeze?

噴嚏?

Jack: Jesus! Help, Rose. Your Mom passed out. OMG.

天哪! 救命，羅思.媽暈過去了。天哪!

㈣ 英語二人幽默對話

One day, a village idiot won the first prize in the lottery(彩票).
「How did you guess the lucky number?」 asked his neighbor.
「Well, three times, I dream of seven; so I figure it out that three times seven are twenty-four, and I bought the ticket with number 24 then I won the first prize.」
「Why, you blamed fool (你這個傻瓜！). Three times seven is twenty-one not twenty-four.」
「Is that so?」 said the village idiot, Well, twenty-four won, anyway.」

參考資料： http://www.sowerclub.com/ViewTopic.php?id=138159

經典對話一：

男：Can I buy you a drink?（我可以為你買一杯飲料嗎？）

女：Actually I』d rather have the money.（不必，我我寧願留下那些錢。)

經典對話二：

男：Can I have your name?（直譯：我能有你的名字嗎？）

女：Why? Don』t you already have one? （為什麼？你不是已經有一個了嗎？）

經典對話三：

男：I』m a photographer. I』ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是攝影師。我一直在尋找一張像你這樣的臉。）

女：I』m a plastic surgeon. I』ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是整形外科醫生。我也一直在尋找一張像你這樣的臉。）

經典對話四：

男：Is this seat empty?（直譯：這個座位是空的吧？）

女：Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.（是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。）

經典對話五：

男：Haven』t I seen you some place before?（我好像以前在什麼地方見過你？）

女：Yes. That』s why I don』t go there anymore.（是的。這就是為什麼我不再去那個地方的原因。）

經典對話六：

男：Will you go out with me this Saturday?（這個星期六你想跟我出去嗎？）

女：Sorry. I』m having a headache this weekend.（抱歉。這個周末我頭疼。）

經典對話七：

男：I think I could make you very happy.（我想我能讓你非常快樂。）

女：Why? Are you leaving?（是嗎？你是說你要離開？）

㈤ 英語搞笑對白

英語笑話（一）

Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?

A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.

猴子會和跳蚤有什麼不同呢？你可能會直接的想到它們倆是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以長跳蚤，而跳蚤身上卻不能有猴子。這個答案很有意思吧？

Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?

A: By treading on his corn?

如果你踩了農夫的玉米或是穀物，他肯定會生氣的；而如果你踩了農夫腳底的雞眼，他會更生氣。Corn既可以表示「玉米/穀物」，也有「雞眼」的意思。

Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?

A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.

因為snail（蝸牛）的後背上總是背著一所房子，所以說蝸牛是世界上最強壯的生物是不足為奇的。你說呢？

Q: What do people do in a clock factory?

A: They make faces all day.

一看到make faces這個短語，你可千萬別以為是在鍾表廠工作的人整天都做鬼臉呀！因為除了這個意思以外，它還可以從字面上解釋為製造鍾面。

Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?

A: Keep him awake.

怎樣才能不讓夢游者（sleepwalker）夢游（walk in his sleep）呢？最簡單的方法就是不讓他睡覺。雖然這不是治療方法，但如果讓夢游者醒著呢，他的確就不會去夢遊了。

英語笑話（二）

He is really somebody

-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.

-- He is really somebody. What does he do?

-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.

他真是一個大人物

-- 我叔叔下面有1000個人。

-- 他真是一個大人物。干什麼的？

-- 墓地守墓人。

英語笑話（三）

Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.

At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

它們是從美國直接帶來的

一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。在銀行櫃台，銀行職員認真檢查了每一張鈔票，看是否有假。

這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩，最後實在忍耐不住說：「相信我，先生，也請你相信這些鈔票。這都是真正的美元，它們是從美國直接帶來的。」

英語笑話（四）my little dog can't read

Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!

Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.

我的狗不識字

布朗夫人：哦，

親愛的，我把珍愛的小狗給丟了！

史密斯夫人：可是你該在報紙上登廣告啊！

布朗夫人：沒有用的，我的小狗不認識字。」

英語笑話（五）Bring me the winner

-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.

-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.

-- Well, bring me the winner then.

給我那個打贏的吧

-- 服務員，

這個龍蝦只有一隻爪。

-- 對不起，先生，這只肯定打過架了。

-- 哦， 那給我那個打贏的吧。

㈥ 英語搞笑小對話（3分鍾，兩個人的）快～～

Peter dozed off while his teacher was talking.
老師正在講課，彼得打起瞌睡來了。

Teacher: Peter！Tell us, what's the biggest in the world?

老師：彼得！你說說，世界上什麼最大？

Peter: Well, well....eyelids....

彼得: 嗯……嗯……眼皮……

Teacher: What？Eyelids？

老師：什麼？眼皮？

Peter: Yes, sir. Because as soon as I shut my eyes, the eyelids cover everything of the world.

彼得：是的，老師。因為我眼睛一閉，眼皮就把世界上所有的東西都遮住了。

㈦ 英語搞笑的對話

英語笑話（一）
老師在黑板上寫了一句：Time
is
money.並讓同學們翻譯。有名學生答道：「湯姆是瑪麗。」
小明上英文課時跟老師說：May
I
go
to
the
toilet?
老師說：Go
ahead.
小明就坐了下來。過了一會兒，小明又跟老師說：May
I
go
to
the
toilet?
老師說：Go
ahead.
小明又坐了下來。他旁邊的同學於是忍不住問：你不是跟老師說要上廁所嗎？怎麼不去？
小明說：你沒聽老師說「去你個頭」啊！

㈧ 搞笑的英語對話

A: I am sorry
B: I am sorry,too.
A: I am sorry three.
B: What are you sorry for?
A: I am sorry five