英语趣味短剧

A. 搞笑的英语短剧

送个两个 ，你自己选一个，第一个比较搞笑 ，第二个比较简单 你自己看着办 ，但愿有你喜欢的 ！

英语搞笑话剧《孔雀东南飞》

Wander severy five miles
焦仲卿Johnny(Jforshort)刘兰芝Lunch(Lforshort)
焦母Johnny’smother(JMforshort)刘母Lunch’smother(LMforshort)
太守之子Mayor’sson(MSforshort)强盗Burglars(ABandC)

Prologue本文转自：www.coffbar.com小品剧本，简历封面，免费电影

(J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪)
J:Everybody says that I'm henpecked,but in fact,I’m as strong as a tiger,(小声)while my wife is WuSong.
(指着上台处的门大声道)I’m not afraid of you!
(内砸出一脸盆,J接住当成盾牌护着头)Then,I’m afraid of whom?
My wife Lunch is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hood.She is braver than me,
smarter than me and stronger than me.All this I do not care.I only want her to be tender than me.But she is not!Having a wife like this is just like living in the hell(地狱)! (内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J)
MyGod!Who can help me?(下)

Act1
(序幕结束时,JM作窃听状)
JM(拄拐棍上):I can!
(对门内)Lunch!Lunch!Where are you?
L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’m here!What’s up mum?
JM:I‘ve told you again and again that you should call me“my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law”.
L:OK.My most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law,what’s up?
JM:Since you married my son you have behaved so badly.You have been so rude,so brusque,so
lazy……
L:But……
JM:Never interrupt me!
L:Never interrupt me!Since I married your son,that terrible Johnny,I have been working hard all day long,cooking and washing.I have raised tens of thousands of pigs and cks and chicken and……
JM:But all those you have done are not as valuable as a grandson!
L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh,you want a grandson,don’tyou?(开始解围裙)Go and ask your son.I’m leaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下)

Act2
(LM坐在台上打毛线,L拿着锅铲上)
L:Mum,I’m back!
LM:You are back?Why?What happened?
L:I was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.
LM(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See!I have already told you!When you insisted on
marrying that terrible Johnny,I told you that he is ugly stupid and poor,but you did not listen to me.Look at yourself……
L:But,mum……
LM:Never interrupt me!
L:Mum,I’m not interrupting you.I just want to tell you that you are always right OK? And
I’ll marry whom ever you want me to.
LM(大喜):Nice girl!Just now,I met the mayor’s son in the market.He said:“If your daughter Haven‘t been married,I really really want to marry her!”Now you are free again,I’ll go and tell him.(下)
L(惊愕):What?The mayor’s son?The most famous playboy in the neighbor-hood?(手中的锅铲掉在地上)What a silly thing I have done (下)

Act3本文转自：

(J睡眼惺忪上)
J(边走边道):Lunch! Lunch !Where are my socks? (走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)Here they are!(闻一下) Er!How smelly!They are still
dirty! (突然想起)Lunch has gone!I have to wash them myself. (他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)Oh,I’m so hungry!But there’s no breakfast!(捡起地上的围 裙)This is what Lunch always wears!I miss her so much,and her excellent cooking skill!Now
she has gone.I have to cook for my mother and myself.
JM(上):Where’s my breakfast?Where’s Lunch?Hasn’t she got up yet?
J:Mum,can’t you remember?Lunch has gone!
JM(沉吟刻):Well,to tell you the truth Johnny,a son without a wife is useless.Lunch is a nice
girl,go and take her back!
J(立正敬礼):Yes madam!

Act4
(J开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)
A:Hey you!Stop and Listen to us!
The road is built by me!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)
B:And I planted one tree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)
C:If you want to go by this street---(欲踩石头，但踩到了A的脚)
AB&C:Give us all your money!
J(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角硬币):Is 1mao enough?
(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)
A:What bad luck!This guy is broken!
B:If we can not rob any money today,we will have nothing to eat tonight!
C:I heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry Miss Liu Lan next month.WE can go and rob the wedding!
A&B:Good idea!
J(惊讶):What?What?Lunch is going to get married?It’s impossible!
AB&C:Why?A pretty girl and a rich man,what a good couple!
J:But Lunch is my wife!We haven’t got divorced yet!
(突然有了主意)I’ve got an idea!You are going to rob the wedding,don’t you?I’ll go
with you.You take the money and I take the bride.
B:Have you got any experience?
J:No.But I’ve got this!(J脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄1，000，000)

Act5

(转眼已到了婚礼之期．MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，J盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)
(J和三强盗跃至台中)
ABC&J:Hey you!Stop and listen to us!
A:The road is built by me!
B:And I planted one tree.
C:If you want to go by this street---
J:Give us all your money!
(L听到J的声音，掀起了盖头)
L(惊喜万分):Johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到J的身边并躲到了的身后)
(MS大怒，挥拳向J打来．J矮身一躲，MS打中了J身后的L，L晕倒)
J(火冒三丈):How dare you beat my wife!（挥拳向MS冲去）
(J与MS混战，JM上，以拐杖击晕MS)
(J将MS胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)
J(扶起L，关切地问):Honey,how are you?
L(哭状):I hurt a lot!
J:Don’t cry baby.I’ll go and fetch the medicine. (下)
L(起身去追):Wait for me! (跑下)
(音乐起 Can You Celebrate)

2、英语短剧：小兔子乖乖
时间：阳光明媚的星期天早晨

地点：鸟语花香的动物王国

人物：Little Duck，Miss Cat， Miss Rabbit，Mr Dog

旁白：Little Duck要去看望外婆。一路上他又唱又跳，高兴极了。在小河边，他碰到了Miss Cat。

Duck：（很好奇）Hello，Miss Cat．Whatre you doing？

Cat：（急得抓耳挠腮）Hello，Little Duck．Theres a big fish in the river．Im hungry，but I cant get it．

Duck：Dont worry．Let me help you．

（Little Duck跳进水里，一会儿就帮Miss Cat抓到了鱼。）

Duck：Here is the fish for you，Miss Cat．Have a good meal．

Cat：Thank you，Little Duck．You are so kind．

Duck：Thats all right，Miss Cat．I must go now．Im going to my grandmothers home．Bye-bye！

Cat：Bye-bye！

（Little Duck继续赶路。忽然他看到Miss Rabbit躺在草地上，连忙跑过去。）

Rabbit：（躺在草地上）Oh，Little Duck．I run too fast and my leg is broken．I cant stand up and I cant walk．

Duck：Dont worry．Let me help you．

（Little Duck拿出一条手帕帮Miss Rabbit包扎好伤口，然后扶着她回家。）

Duck：Dontworry，Miss Rabbit．Youll getwellsoon．

Rabbit：Yes，I will．Thank you，Little Duck．Its so kind of you．

Duck：Not at all，Miss Rabbit．But I must go now．Im going to my grandmothers home．Good-bye！

Rabbit：Good-bye！

（Little Duck唱着歌又开始上路了，走着走着，他看到Mr Dog坐在家门口，看上去非常着急。）

Duck：Good morning，Mr Dog．You look worried．What can I do for you？

Dog：Oh，good morning，Little Duck．I got a letter from my friend，Mr Cock．ButIcantread and Idontknow what he wants me to do．

Duck：Dont worry，Mr Dog．Let me help you．

（Mr Dog笑呵呵地把信递给Little Duck，Little Duck很仔细地将信的内容读给Mr Dog听。）

Dog：（满意地笑）Thank you，Little Duck．Its really very kind of you．

Duck：Youre welcome，Mr Dog．（抬头看看挂在半空中的太阳）But I must go now．Im going to see my grandmother．

Dog：（摸摸Little Duck的头）Dont worry，Little Duck．Let me send you to your grandmothers home．

Duck：Thank you，Mr Dog．

（Mr Dog驮着Little Duck一路欢歌笑语向外婆家跑去……）

B. 英语搞笑短剧

这是我写的两人小剧.是反应基本的卫生习惯的问题.不知你是否喜欢?

人物: Alex 和 Bob
地点:学生宿舍

Flushing the Toilet冲厕所

A: Oh my god, what a stinky smell! Who didn't flush the toilet?
天啊,这么臭气熏天啊? 谁没冲厕所呀?
B: (reading a book silently)(静静地看书)
A: Bob, is that you again?
Bob, 又是你干的好事?
B: what? what about me?
什么? 我又怎么了?
A: You didn't flush the toilet.
你用了厕所没冲!
B: I did.
我冲了.
A: No. you didn't. The stinky smell is unbearable.
你没有! 这臭气熏天,简直无法忍受.
How could you sit here quietly and read your book as if nothing had happened?
你怎么还可以在这静静地看书,好象啥事都没有.?
B: I didn't smell anything.
我没觉得臭呀.
A: I am sure it's you. How could you not smell anything. Go flush the toilet now!
那一定是你干的. 怎么可能什么都闻不到? 快去冲厕所!
B: I remember I did flush it. (He went to the bathroom to flush the toilet.)
我记得我是冲了.(他走进厕所,冲洗马桶)
A: Don't you ever do that again. That's barbarian.
我警告你以后别再这样啊. 那是非常不文明的行为.
B: well, I'll try to remember. ( Bob is eating some cookies now.)
嗯,我尽量记住. ( Bob 拿起些饼干在吃)
A: Did you wash your hands after you flush the toilet?
你冲完厕所有没有洗手呀?
B: Do I have to?
要洗手吗?
A: Oh my god! I think I need to change the room right now..
天啊! 我还是换间寝室好了.

The end 剧终

C. 求一个两人英语短剧,三分钟左右,要搞笑点儿的,谢谢了.所有的分都上了,么么哒.

Characters:
旁白, Xiaofu, Dabao
旁白: Tax is the major source of the fiscal revenue. There is an evident change about the relationship between the tax collector and taxpayer in the past 20 years. Now, the tax collector, Xiaofu, and the tax payer Dabao, a vendor selling Yangrouchuan will show you the very change. The first Act happened in 1980s.

Act I
(in Bazaar of Beijing, sanlihe, 1980s)
Dabao: Yangrouchuan , yangrouchuan, eaten one ,want nine, eaten one, want nine.
Hi, Take my yangrouchuan.(slipped, take it up, )
Xiaofu: Tax! Pay the tax!
Dabao: (change faces)
Taxi? Where is the taxi? Here’s no taxi.
Xiaofu: Tax! T---A ---X!
Dabao: What’s the tax? I just know taxi! Do you want me to call a taxi for you?
Taxi----! Taxi----!
Xiaofu: Enough! Are you the vendor?
Dabao: No , No, No, no! I 'm just have a look. The vendor has gone to the toilet.
Xiaofu: Not the vendor ? Impossible! you 've been here for 2 hours.
Dabao: Really ? (Xiaofu: Yes, of course.)
How do you know it?
Xiaofu: The window of my office is open to here and I 've been looking at you for two hours.
Dabao: It’s a big bug!
Xiaofu: Oh. Don’t waste my time! Please pay the tax---- 10 Yuan!
Dabao: 10 yuan?! My god. I had just earned 20 Yuan one day! 5 Yuan, ok?
Xiaofu: Don't cheat me, you've sold more than 2 hundred ones.
Dabao: 6yuan, my dear sisiter.
7Yuan, my lovely beauty.
Dabao: Not for you ,not for me, let's split the difference. 8 yuan ,ok ?
Xiaofu: (looking around) All right ,a deal. But no receipt.
(Dabao payed 8 yuan and Xiaofu left)
Dabao: What a smart woman! Bad luck! I’m bankrupt. I have to change my place.
Hope I would not meet her any more! Let’s go!

Act II

旁白: The next scene happened in new century. China had been marching in the way of the market economy for twenty years more, in the new era of building the well-off society in an all-round way, how do the vendor regard tax as and how is the tax collected? The scene will tell you.
Let’s enjoy it!
(In the market; Dabao in white clothes ,a board with "NO SARS")
Dabao:: Yangrouchuan, yangrouchuan. Eaten one, want nine. Eaten one, want nine.
Xiaofu: Hi,
Dabao: Hi.
Two: What a familiar face.
Two: It’s you!
Dabao: 10 years past, you are a still a tax collector.
Xiaofu: 10 years past, you still sell Yangrouchuan.
How is your business?
Dabao: Everything is OK!
10 years past, you are still beautiful lady in Sanlihe of Beijing.
Xiaofu: 10 years past, you and your Yangrouchuan look more clean than 20 years before.
Dabao: Thank you. No SARS, no dirtiness; Serve people, serve me.
Xiaofu: Great! Have you……
Dabao: Married? I ‘m not married; I’m still single.
Xiaofu: Have you claimed your tax this month?
Dabao: What? Taxi? Oh, tax! Of course. I should pay the tax of 50 Yuan this month and I have claimed at the begin of this month.
Xioafu: Your receipt, please.
Dabao: (shows the receipt )
Here you are, I have paid my tax in the tax service center by computer.
Xiaofu: Great! What a good taxpayer you are.
Dabao: Thank you. It is my ty. I’m proud of myself to pay the tax for our country.
Xiaofu: Yeah! The tax you paid is a share of our country’s economy, and you do a lot for Olympics of Beijing!
Dabao: Let’s do it together! . It’s said that, Don't ask what your country can do for you but ask what you can do for your country. Just like me, sell Yangrouchuan, and pay the Tax for ten years more.
Xiaofu: You 're the loveliest people in new century!
Dabao: Thank you! And you 're the loveliest tax collector in new era!
X: Excuse me, and I have to go now. Bye-bye.
D: A moment, are you free tomorrow evening? Could I have a dinner with you?
Xiaofu: Well, may I have the company of my husband?
Dabao: No, no, no problem. 6 o’clock in the evening, Beichuanyuan, ok?
Xiaofu: just a kidding. I have to go home now.(leaves)
Dabao, See you tomorrow.
Dabao: Hope to see you everyday.

The End

D. 英语幽默小短剧

Professor Godwin,feeling unwell,wrote on his bedroom door this notice:"The professor will be unable to meet his classes this evening." A student rubbed out a letter and made it,"The professor will be unable to meet his lasses this evening." Godwin,perceiving this, turned the tables by striking off the next letter, and making the notice read;" The professor will be unable to meet his asses this evening.
译文：戈德温博士感到不舒服，于是写了张便条贴在卧室门上：“晚上博士不能来上课了。”一学生看后将一字母擦去，意思就变成了：“晚上博士不能来见他的情人们了。”戈德温博士看后，心生一计，又擦掉一个字母，最后便条的内容就成了“晚上博士不能来见他的蠢驴们了。”
（注：class班级；lass情人；ass蠢驴，关键在表演时可重读这些词，如果不熟悉的话让观众说出意思，不然毫无效果）

E. 双人搞笑英语短剧

三个懒汉 The Three Lazy OnesA king had three sons whom he loved equally well， and he did not know which of them to appoint as king following his own death. When the time came for him to die he called them to his bed and said， “Dear children， I have thought of something that I will reveal to you. The one of you is the laziest shall become king after me.” The oldest one said， “Father， then the kingdom belongs to me， for I am so lazy that whenever I lie down to sleep， and a drop falls into my eyes， I will not even close them so that I can fall asleep.” The second one said， “Father， the kingdom belongs to me， for I am so lazy that when I am sitting by the fire warming myself， I would rather let my heels burn up than to pull my legs back.” The third one said， “Father， the kingdom is mine， for I am so lazy that if I were going to be hanged and already had the rope around my neck， and someone put into my hand a sharp knife with which to cut the rope， I would let myself be hanged rather than to lift my hand up to the rope.” When the father heard this he said， “You have taken it the farthest and shall be king.” 在一个遥远的地方，有一个国王，他有三个儿子，对每一个儿子他都非常喜爱，他不知道自己死后应该把王位传给他们三个中的哪一个。所以，当他快要死的时候，就把他们叫到身边说：“亲爱的孩子们，在我死后，你们三个中谁最懒，谁就继承我的王位。”老大说：“既然这样，这王位就是我的，因为我是最懒的儿子，当我躺下睡觉时，有任何东西落到我的眼睛里，我也懒得去擦掉，即使不能把眼睛闭上，我仍然会继续睡觉。”二儿子说：“爸爸，王位应该传给我，因为我是最懒的儿子。当我坐在火边取暖的时候，就是火燃到我的脚趾，我也懒得把腿收回来。”第三个儿子说：“爸爸，这王位是我的，因为我是你最懒的儿子，如果我就要被吊起来，绳子已经套在了脖子上，有人把一把锋利的小刀塞在我手里，要我切断绳子，我宁愿被吊起来也懒得抬起手把绳子割断。”父亲听到这里说道：“你是最合适的人选，你应该继承王位。”

F. 我想找个英语搞笑的小短剧，要有翻译

The Fox and the Tiger（狐假虎威） Tiger: I’m a great tiger. I’m very athletic. I’m very brave. I’m the king of the forest.But now I’m very hungry. I must find a little food. Oh, there’s nothing here. Oh, I’m very hungry. (Sleep soundly)老虎： 我是一只伟大的老虎。 我非常强壮。 我是非常勇敢的。 我是森林的国王。但现在我非常饿。 我必须发现些食物。噢，我好饿。 (酣然昏眠) Fox: I’m a fox. You can see, I’m pretty and lovely. I’m good at cheating and telling lies. Just now I cheated a crew out of a piece of meat. Mm, Mm, Mm. How delicious it is! 狐狸： 我是狐狸。 您能看，我是俏丽和可爱的。 我是擅长于欺诈和告诉谎言。 我刚才欺诈了乘员组在肉片外面。 Mm,Mm,Mm。 它是多么可口! Tiger: Ah, a fox. A good meal. Ah, a good meal. 老虎：Ah，一只狐狸。 一顿好午餐。 Ah，一顿好午餐。 Fox: Oh, my God! What should I do? Yes, I have a good idea. Yes, a good idea. Hello! Tiger sister! How are you?狐狸： 噢，我的上帝! 我该怎么办? 是，我有一个好想法。 是，一个好想法。 你好! 老虎姐妹! 您好吗? Tiger: Not so good. I’m very hungry now. I want to eat you.老虎： 不那么好。 我现在非常饿。 我想要吃你。 Fox: Oh, my dear! I’m the king of the forest! You can not eat me.狐狸： 噢，我亲爱！我是森林的国王！你不能吃我！ （老虎装作疑惑） Fox: If you don’t believe me, just follow me and see who is the king of the forest.狐狸： 如果您不相信我，就跟我走，看看谁是森林的国王。 Tiger: Ok. Let’s go.老虎： 好。 我们去。 Rabbit: I’m a rabbit. I like to eat a Carrot. Ah, a big Carrot. 兔子： 我是兔子。 我喜欢吃胡萝卜。Ah，一个大胡萝卜。 Bird: I’m a bird.鸟： 我是鸟。 Rabbit: Hi! 兔子： 喂! Bird: Hi! What are you doing, Miss Rabbit? Can I help you?鸟： 你好! 在做什么呢，Rabbit小姐？ 我可以帮助您吗？ Rabbit: Yes, please兔子： 是，请。 Frog: I’m a frog. Hello! What are you doing? What can I do for you?青蛙： 我是青蛙。 你好! 您在这里做着什么？ 我可以为您做什么？ Rabbit: Yes, come on!兔子： 是，来吧! Frog : Ok! I’m coming!青蛙： 好! 我来拉! Fox: Hello, Frog!狐狸： 你好，青蛙! Frog: Hi, Fox. Oh, a tiger! (run away)青蛙： 喂，狐狸。 噢，老虎! (跑掉) Fox: Hello, Bird!狐狸： 你好，鸟！ Bird: Hi, Fox. Oh, a tiger! (run away)鸟： 喂，狐狸。 噢，老虎! (跑掉) Fox: Hello, Rabbit!狐狸： 你好，兔子! Rabbit: Hi, Fox. Oh, a tiger! (run away)兔子： 喂，狐狸。 噢，老虎! (跑掉) Fox: Tiger, Now, you see. I’m very athletic.! They all run away!狐狸： 老虎，现在，您看见。 我太强大了! 他们全都跑掉!

G. 搞笑英语话剧剧本

我们班刚演过 ，获得了系里一等奖(孔雀东南飞 英语搞笑剧本) 虽然人物多了一个，可以有群众演员嘛

焦仲卿johnny(jforshort)
刘兰芝lunch(lforshort)
焦母johnny’s mother(jmforshort)
刘母lunch’s mother(lmforshort)
太守之子mayor’sson(msforshort)
强盗burglars(abandc)

prologue 序幕

(j作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,j被打中,狼狈不堪)
j:everybody says that i’m hen pecked, but in fact,i’m a strong tiger,(小声)while my
wife is wusong.
译：人人都说我怕老婆，实际上我是老虎，（小声）我妻子是武松。

(指着上台处的门大声道)i’m not afraid of you!
译：我才不怕你呢！

(内砸出一脸盆,j接住当成盾牌护着头)then, i’m afraid of whom! my wife lunchi is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hood.she is braver than me,smarter than me and stronger than me .all this i donot care. i only want she to be tender than me. but she is not! having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!
译：谁怕谁啊！在邻里中，我妻子是最有名气的。她比我勇敢、比我聪明、比我强壮。我也不在乎这些。我只觉得她该对我温柔些，但是她却不懂温柔！有这样的太太就像活在地狱中啊！

(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中j)
my god! who can help me?(下)
译：我的天！谁来救救我啊？

act1 第一幕
(序幕结束时,jm作窃听状)
jm(拄拐棍上):i can!
(对门内)lunch! lunch! where are you?
l(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):i’m here! what’s up ，mum?
jm:i have told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother in law”.
l:ok.my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law, what’s up?

jm:since you married my son you have be havedso badly.you have been so rude, so brusque,so
lazy……
l:but……
jm:never interrupt me!
l:never interrupt me! since i married your son, that terrible johnny,i have been working hard all
daylong,cooking and washing. i have raised tens of thousands of pigs and cks and chicken
and……
jm:but all those you have done arenot asvaluable as a grandson!
l(生气地挥动着锅铲):oh,you want a grandson,don’t you?(开始解围裙)go and ask your son. i’m leaving!(扯下围裙,扔在jm的脸上,下)

act2
(lm坐在台上打毛线,l拿着锅铲上)
l:mum, i’m back!
lm:you are back?why?what happened?
l:i was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.
lm(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):see! i have already told you! when you insisted on
marrying that terrible johnny, i told you that he is ugly tupid and poor, but you did not listen
to me. look at yourself……
l:but,mum……
lm:never interrupt me!
l:mum,i’m not interrupting you. i just want to tell you that you are always right ok? and
i’ll marry whomever you want me to.
lm(大喜):nice girl! just now, i met the mayor’s son in the market.he said:“if your daughter
haven’t been married,i really really want to marry her!”now you are free again, i ’ll go
and tell him.(下)
l(惊愕):what? the mayor’s son?the most famous playboy in the neighbor-hood? (手中的锅
铲掉在地上)what a silly thing i have done!(下)

act3
(j睡眼惺忪上)
j(边走边道):lunch! lunch! where are mysocks?
(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)here they are!(闻一下) er! how smelly! they are still dirty!
(突然想起)lunch has gone! i have to wash them myself.
(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)oh,i’m so hungry! but there’s no breakfast!(捡起地上的围
裙)this is what lunch always wears! i miss her so much, and her excellent cooking skill! now
she has gone.i have to cook for my mother and myself.
jm(上):where’s my breakfast? where’slunch?hasn’t she got up yet?
j:mum, can’t you remember?lunch has gone!
jm(沉吟片刻):well, to tell you the truth johnny, a son without a wife is suseless. lunch is an ice
girl,go and take her back!
j(立正敬礼):yes madam!

act4
(j开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)
a:hey you!stop and listen to us!
the road is built by me!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)
b:and i planted one tree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)
c:if you want to go by this street---(欲踩石头，但踩到了a的脚)
ab&c:give us all your money!
j(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角硬币):is 1mao enough?
(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)
a:what bad luck! this guy is broken!
b:if we cannot robany money today,we will havenot thing to eat tonight!
c:i heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry miss liulan next month.we can go and
rob the wedding!
a&b:good idea!
j(惊讶):what? what? lunch is going to get married? it’s impossible!
ab&c:why? a pretty girl and a richman,what a good couple!
j:but lunch is my wife! we haven’t got divorced yet!
(突然有了主意)i’ve got an idea!you are going to rob the wedding, don’tyou? i’ll go
with you. you take the money and i take the bride.
b:have you got any experience?
j:no. but i’ve got this!(j脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄1，000，000)

act5
(转眼已到了婚礼之期．ms意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，j盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)
(j和三强盗跃至台中)
abc&j:hey you! stop and listen to us!
a:the road is built by me!
b:and i planted one tree.
c:if you want to go by this street---
j:give us all your money!
(l听到j的声音，掀起了盖头)
l(惊喜万分):johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到j的身边并躲到了的身后)
(ms大怒，挥拳向j打来．j矮身一躲，ms打中了j身后的l，l晕倒)
j(火冒三丈):how dare you beat my wife!（挥拳向ms冲去）
(j与ms混战，jm上，以拐杖击晕ms)
(j将ms胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)
j(扶起l，关切地问):honey, how are you?
l(哭状):i hurt a lot!
j:don’t cry baby.i’ll go and fetch the medicine. (下)
l(起身去追):wait for me! (跑下)