英語相聲

❶ 誰有簡單的英語相聲

一、Little Red Riding Hood
第一場：Little Red Riding Hood家
Mum： (媽媽拿著一個籃子，把桌子上的水果放在籃子里）
Little Red Riding Hood:(唱著歌，歡快地跑進來）Hi,mummy, what are you doing?
Mum： （一邊把水果放在籃子里，心事重重地說）Grandma is ill. Here are some apples and bananas for Grandma. Take them to Grandma.
Little Red Riding Hood：（邊提起籃子，邊點頭說）Ok!
Mum： （親切地看著Little Red Riding Hood說） Be good. Be careful.
Little Red Riding Hood： Yes ,mummy．Goodbye, mummy.
Mum： Bye-bye. Darling.
第二場：在路上
(一陣輕快的音樂由遠而近，Little Red Riding Hood挎著籃子蹦跳跳地跳到花草旁)
Little Red Riding Hood： Wow！Flowers, how beautiful! （放下籃子採花）One flower ,two flowers, three flowers.
Wolf：（wolf大步地走上台）I am wolf. I am hungry. (做找東西狀,東張西望) Here is a little red riding hood. Hi! Little Red Riding Hood. Where are you going? (做狡猾的樣子和Little Red Riding Hood打招呼)
Little Red Riding Hood：(手摸辮子，天真地回答)To Grandma』s．Grandma is ill.
Wolf：（自言自語）I' ll eat Grandma. But……（對Little Red Riding Hood說）Hey, look! 6 little baby cks.
Little Red Riding Hood：(和6隻鴨子隨著音樂翩翩起舞)
Wolf：（悄悄地藏到大樹後）
Little Red Riding Hood：（停止跳舞）Hello! Baby cks，how are you?
Six Ducks：We』 re fine．Thank you． Where are you going?
Little Red Riding Hood：To Grandma』s．Oh, I must go, bye.
Six Ducks：Goodbye．
第三場：Grandma家
Grandma： （喘著氣出場，顫顫悠悠地走到床前，吃力地坐到床邊，喘了幾口，打幾個哈欠，慢吞吞地躺倒在床上。）
Wolf：（從樹後出來，邊走邊說）I am very hungry now. (做找尋的樣子)Where is Grandma』 s house? (高興地對觀眾說)Aha , it』s here.(敲門)Bang, Bang, Bang．
Grandma： Who is it？
Wolf：（裝出Little Red Riding Hood的聲音，一邊得意地搖動尾巴，一邊說）It』s me. Little Red Riding Hood.
Grandma： (邊說邊起床) Come in, come in.
Wolf：(得意洋洋地走到床邊) Grandma , I』ll eat you.
Grandma： （驚慌失措地抓緊衣服，瞪著眼睛，邊叫迫從床上滾到地上）
灰狼把外婆吞到了肚子里。
Wolf：（得意地拍拍肚子，翹起大拇指）Yummy！I』ll sleep.
Little Red Riding Hood：(高興地敲門)Grandma．Grandma．
Wolf：(裝扮成Grandma的聲音) Who is it？
Little Red Riding Hood：It』s me。Little Red Riding Hood. What a strange noise!
Wolf：Come in， Come in.
Little Red Riding Hood：(蹦跳著進來，把籃子放在桌子上，走到床前一看，跳回幾步)Oh! What are big ears!
Wolf：I can listen to your sweet voice.
Little Red Riding Hood：Wow! What a big eyes!
Wolf：I can see you pretty face.
Little Red Riding Hood：Oh! What a big hand.
Wolf：I can hug you.
Little Red Riding Hood：（跪在床前，拉起Wolf的手，邊摸邊說）Look! What a big hands?
Wolf：(從床上跳起來說)I can eat you!
Little Red Riding Hood：(拚命地跑)Oh！No! No!
Wolf：（追到Little Red Riding Hood，做吃狀，拍拍肚子說）It』s delicious. I still sleep. I like sleeping.
Hunter： (一邊拿著槍，一邊做尋找狀出場)Where』s the wolf? Look! A door．(推門)The wolf is sleeping.
Wolf：(發出呼呼的響聲)
Hunter： (端起槍想打，又放下)What a big stomach! (摸摸Wolf的肚子)Grandma and Little Red Riding Hood are inside .I must be hurry．(從桌子上拿起剪刀，舉起) Look! Scissors. (做剪Wolf的肚子)Cut, cut, cut.
Little Red Riding Hood/Grandma：Thank you．
Hunter： Grandma ,give me some needles and thread． Little Riding Hood ,Give me some stones．
Grandma： (從桌子上拿來針線)
Little Red Riding Hood：(搬來幾個石頭)One, two, three.
Hunter： (把小石頭裝進Wolf的衣服里)
Grandma： I'll thread it.
Hunter： (拿起槍)Woke up!
Wolf：(起床，兩手托著大肚子)My stomach is so heavy.
Hunter： You big bad wolf, raise your arms!
Wolf：(邊跑邊說) Help! Don』t shot me!
Hunter： （開槍）Bang, bang!
Wolf： (應聲倒下)
Hunter： The bad wolf is dead．
Little Red Riding Hood和Grandma：Yeah! Thank you．

二、T---Tiger F---Fox R---Rabbit B---Bird Fr---Frog B----Bear ( 狐假虎威) Tiger: I』m a great tiger. I』m very strong. I』m very brave. I』m the king of the forest.But now I』m very hungry. I must find sth. to eat at once, or I』ll die immediately. Oh, there』s nothing here. And here is nothing, either. Oh, I want to have a rest. (Sleep soundly) Fox: I』m a fox. You can see, I』m pretty and lovely. I』m good at cheating 0and telling lies. Just now I cheated a crew out of a piece of meat. Mm, Mm, Mm. How delicious it is! Tiger: Ah, a fox. A good meal. Ah, a good meal. Fox: Oh, my God! What should I do? Yes, I have a good idea. Yes, a good idea. Hello! Tiger sister! How are you? Tiger: Not so good. I』m very hungry now. I want to eat you. Fox: Oh, my dear! How dare you say that! I』m the king of the forest! I』m the king of the forest! If you want to eat me, I will let you die right now. Tiger: She is the king. She is cheating me. I can』t belive her. I』m the king of the forest here. Fox: If you don』t believe me, just follow me and see who is the king of the forest. Tiger: Ok. Let』s go. Rabbit: I』m a rabbit. I like to eat a turnip. Ah, a big turnip. Oh! It』s too hard. I can』t pull it out. Bird: I』m a bird. Rabbit: Hi! Bird: Hi! What are doing here, Miss Rabbit? Can I help you? Rabbit: Yes, please. Frog: I』m a frog. Hello! What are you doing here? What can I do for you? R&B: Yes, come on! Frog : Ok! I』m coming! Bear: I』m a big brown bear. Hello, everyone! What are you doing here? R,B&F: Come on! Come on! Mr. Bear! You are so strong. Please come here. There is a big turnip. We are all puling it out. Please come and help us. Bear: Ok! I』m coming. Fox: Hello, Bear! Bear: Hi, Fox. Oh, a tiger! (run away) Fox: Hello, Frog! Frog: Hi, Fox. Oh, a tiger! (run away) Fox: Hello, Bird! Bird: Hi, Fox. Oh, a tiger! (run away) Fox: Hello, Rabbit! Rabbit: Hi, Fox. Oh, a tiger! (run away) Fox: Tiger, Now, you see. They are so frightened! They all run away! Tiger: Yes, you are right. It』s true. I』m very sorry. You are the king of the forest. That』s all right. I will run away. He is the king. He is the king. Fox: Wa! There is a big turnip. Now, the turnip belongs to me.

❷ 用英語怎麼寫相聲劇本

首先要對英語非來常的源熟悉，知道英語詞語的組詞手法和一些俗語俚語的用法，相聲就是語言的藝術，只有對語言瞭然於胸，才能讓語言的魅力發揮出來。

其次，要了解外國人的幽默方式，外國人的幽默和我們通常的笑話不一樣，講究的是意境語境

然後，再聽一些脫口秀的段子，借鑒一些英語包袱效果。

❸ 急求一篇：英語雙人相聲，搞笑的，還要帶翻譯的。

A: well, this is not small X?
甲：唷，這不是小X嗎？
B: well, is a small X ah, what are you doing recently?
乙：唷，是小X啊，最近忙什麼哪？
A: hi, do not have what matter, play chess, old didn't see you he, is he ok?
甲：嗨，沒啥事，下下象棋，老沒見你們老爺子了，他還好嗎？
B: Joe your blessing, also is hale and hearty.
乙：托您福，還硬朗著呢。
A: your father also like playing chess.
甲：你爸爸也喜歡下象棋。
B: yes, it is
乙：是啊
A: don't, before I'm old and your father play chess.
甲：可不，以前我老和你爸爸下棋。
B: that's right
乙：沒錯
A: once we both play chess, I still remain a then, your father still remain a like...
甲：有一回我們倆下棋，我還剩一士，你爸爸還剩一象。。。
B: that's not a draw?
乙：那不和棋了嗎？
A: yes, as I am also a draw, but your father not stem, must then down not?
甲：是啊，依著我也是和棋，可你爸爸不幹，非得接著下不可？
B: ah??????? How do the next?
乙：啊？？那怎麼下呀？
A: ha ha, your father has idea.
甲：呵呵，你爸爸有主意。
B: any idea?
乙：什麼主意？
A: your dad said "don't let's and the like are!"
甲：你爸爸說了「要不咱們士象都過河吧。」
甲：B: never heard of it! 乙：沒聽說過！
A: then what your father like just across the river, I taxi also across the river, you dad took his like like me, I will take my taxi and your father... Your dad to like me, and I'll then your father, your father like me, I and your father, your father like I WoShiNiBaBa, your father like I WoShiNiBaBa, your father like I WoShiNiBaBa, your father like I WoShiNiBaBa, your father like I WoShiNiBaBa, your father like I WoShiNiBaBa...
甲：然後呢你爸爸的象就過河了，我的士也過河了，你爸爸就拿他的象象我，我
就拿我的士士你爸爸。。。你爸爸再象我，我再士你爸爸，你爸爸象我，我士你爸爸
，你爸爸象我我是你爸爸，你爸爸象我我是你爸爸，你爸爸象我我是你爸爸，你爸爸象我
我是你爸爸，你爸爸象我我是你爸爸，你爸爸象我我是你爸爸。。。。。。。。。
B: go to your!!!!!
乙：去你的吧！！

❹ 相聲的英文是什麼

相聲的英文是Crosstalk。

crosstalk

英[ˈkrɒstɔːk]美[ˈkrɔːstɔːk]

n. 相聲；串話干擾，串台

短語

Stereo Crosstalk立體聲分離度 ; 聲道分離度 ; 立體聲分散度

crosstalk coupling[通信]串話耦合 ; 串擾耦合 ; 串擾耦合英語

near-end crosstalk[通信]近端串音 ; 近端串擾 ; 近端交越干擾 ; 也稱為近端干擾

(4)英語相聲擴展閱讀：

近義詞

comic dialogue

相聲

短語

Comic dialogue masters相聲名家

comic dialogue player相聲演員

cross talk comic dialogue曲藝名詞

❺ 求英語中的相聲詞

1)有關動物的象聲詞
apes: (猿）gibber嘰哩咕嚕
asses: (驢)bray, heehaw
babies: cry
bear: growl
bees: buzz, hum, murmur, drone
beetles(甲蟲): drone
birds: chatter, chirp, chirrup, flap, peck, sing, squawk, twitter,
bulls: bellow, bow
camels: grunt
cats: miaow, mew, purr
cattle: low
chicken: cheep, peep, pip
chicks: cheep
child: chatter
cock: crow, cock-a-doodle-do
cows: boo, low, moo, moo,
crickets(蟋蟀): chirp
crows: caw, croak
deer: beat
dogs: bark, bay, bow-wow, grow, how, whine, yap, yelp
donkeys: bray, hee-haw
doves: coo, crood, croud, croodle
cks: quack, screech
eagle: scream
elephants: trumpet
flies: buzz, hum, drone
foxes: yelp, bark
frogs: croak
geese: cackle, gabble, gaggle, hiss
goats: bleat, baa
hawks: scream,
hens: cackle, chuckle
horse: whiney, nicker, neigh, snort,
hounds: bay
insects: chirp
kittens(小貓): mew
larks(百靈): sing, warble
lions: roar
magpies（喜鵲）: chatter
man: giggle, hem(哼)，ouch, hush, mumble, chatter, bravo, murmur, whisper
mice: peep, squeak
monkeys: chatter, japer, screech, chatter
mosquitoes: buzz, hum, drom
night eagles: ner
owls: hoot, scream, screech, whop
owls: hoot, screech, scream
ox: bo, how, moo
parrots: talk, quack
pigeons: coo, crood, croodle
pigs crowd
puppies: yelp
rabbits: suqeak
seagulls(海鷗): scream
sheep: bleat, baa
snakes: hiss
sparrows: chatter, chirp, twitter
swallows: twitter
swans: cry
tigers: roar, groul, gaoll
turkeys: gobble
vultures(禿鷲): scream
whales: blow
wide goose(大雁): honk
wolves: howl growl
2)有關物體的象聲詞
abacus(算盤) balls: pit-a-pat, pita pat
arrows: whistle, whiz
artillery(大炮): booms
balls: bounce
bank notes: rustle
bayonets: clink and clash
beats: pit-a-pat, pita pat, thump, thud, patter
bellows(風箱): flip-flap
bells: clink, clang, jingle, jingle-jangles-jingle, ding dong.
bikes: jangle
boots(皮靴): crunch
bottles: crack, crick-crack, rattle
bow string: snap
bowels: rumble
brakes: screech
branches: snap
breeze: puffs
bullets: whistle, whiz, zip
buses: rattle, hoot, and thump
cameras: snick
candles: splutter
cars: crash, toot(horn)
carts: rumble, creak
cattle: low
chains: clank
clocks: ding dang, tick, ticktack, tic tak
clothes: rustle
coins: jingle
cooking pots: sizzle
cords: pop
curtains: flap
dishes: ding dang, jingle, clatter
doors: creak, rat-tat-tat, rat tattoo, rattle,
drums: rub-a-b, rataplan
dry leaves: rustle
eating: slurp
engines: chug, chum, whistle
feet: chatter, tramp
fingers snap
fire crackers: bang, pup
fire snap
flags: flap flutter
floor: creak
glass: crash, clinks,
gongs: ding-dang
guns pup, boom, click
hands: clap, flick
high heal shoes: click
horns: toot
horse's hooves: dip-clop
jade: tickle
keys: clink
knife and fork: clack
leather shoes: click-clack
leaves: whisper, rustle,
locks: snap, click,
locomotive(火車頭): puff
machines: buzz,
machines guns: rattle, chatter, tat-rat, tat-tat-tat
metal: ting, clash, clink, tinkle, jing dong, ticktack
mind: buzz
oil: sizzle
paper: rustle
planes: zoom, crash,
radios: squeak
rain: patters, pit-pat-pit-pat
rifle: crack, pop
ropes: crack, snap, pop
scissors: clip-clop
silk: rustle
snow: spatters
steam: hoop, hoos, hoot
stick: swish
stomach: rumble
stones: smack, flop
tears: plop
teeth: chatter
telephone: ring, jangle
thunder: clap, peal, rumble,
tongue: click
trains: rattle, clatter, whistle, murmur
trumps(號): toot
trucks: rumble, grunt
type writers: tap, clatter
watches: tick, ticktack
water: babbles, bubbles, drip-draps, splashes, sizzles, spish-splash, hiss,
wheels: rumble, crunch, whir
whips: flick, smack, snap, swish
whistles: whack
wind: haot, toot, howl, rattle, sough
windows: rattle

❻ 英語相聲

5人英語短劇】阿拉丁傳說 The Tale of Aladdin

【7人英語短劇】Cinderella 灰姑娘 7人 短劇

【The Gifts （禮回物）】中英文短劇劇本答

【4人英語短劇】阿拉丁傳說 The Tale of Aladdin

灰姑娘的劇本
http://www.jjcdixon.btinternet.co.uk/cinderella.htm

【7人英文話劇】花木蘭 Mulan

❼ 英文相聲

相聲是中國特有抄的，西方國家襲沒有。況且要想翻譯也不容易，相聲中有許多段子是押韻的。但譯成英文就不押韻了。就像唐代的古詩，你能把它完美的翻譯出來嗎？所以我想，應該沒有英文相聲。如果你要表演的話，可以演些話劇。像「狐假虎威」，「龜兔賽跑」

❽ 求英語雙口相聲

Campus comic -- "campus"
甲：親愛的同學們，我想死你們了。
A: my dear classmates, I miss you.
乙：先向大家作一下介紹。
B: first we introce.
甲：我叫王邁達。
A: my name is Wang Maida.
乙：我叫黃映翔。
B: my name is Huang Yingxiang.
甲：yb，你是新生吧，以後有什麼需要我幫忙的盡管說，學長我一定會盡力而為的。
A: Yb, you are a freshman, after what I need help though say, I will do everything in one's power of students.
乙：哦，一定一定。老大，你成績好嗎？
B: Oh, sure. Boss, you get good grades?
甲：馬馬乎乎。
A: Mama huhu.
乙：那你成績為什麼這么好呢？
B: that you why so good?
甲：因為我是從「竹板炒肉絲」的慘痛經歷中磨練出來的，我已經深刻體會到：落後就要挨打。
A: because I am a honed from "the bitter experience heavy bamboo slats fried shredded pork", I have a profound experience: behind will be beaten.
乙：哎，英雄所歷略同呀。
B: Hey, hero history summary.
甲：能具體點嗎？
A: can the specific point?
乙：80分以下女子單打，70分以下男子單打，60分以下男女混合雙打。
B: 80 points following the women's singles, men's singles 70 points, 60 points below the mixed doubles.
甲：這怎麼說？
A: how do you say this?
乙：80分以下老媽揍我，70分以下老爸揍我，60分以下老爸老媽一起揍我。
B: 80 points below mom beat me, dad hit me below 70 points, 60 points below the beat with my mom and dad.
甲：你就是在這種環境下成長起來的嗎？
A: you are in this environment to grow up?
乙：誰在乎我的心裡有多苦，誰在意我的明天去何出。
B: who cares about me, how hard the heart, who will care about my tomorrow to go to where the.
甲：哎呀我可憐的學弟呀，不過沒事的，你的肌體早晚會磨練成金剛不壞之身的,到時候你就會永垂不朽了。
A: Oh, my poor brother ah, but all right, your body will temper as unscathed, but you will go down to posterity.
乙：哎學長，早就聽說你的學習是雞立鶴群，獨占鱉頭呀，就給我介紹介紹你的學習方法吧。
B: Hey sir, had heard that your learning is chicken standing cranes, exclusive turtle head ah, you introce me to your way of learning.
甲：昨夜寒蛩不住鳴，驚回奪魁夢，已三更，起來涼水沖沖臉，再拚命，幾挑窗前燈，一心為功名。窗前白葉落，阻征程，欲把心事付瑤琴，不可能，根本沒空。
A: Han Ming could not last night cricket, scared to dream up past midnight, title, cold water in the face, then desperately, few pick window headlights, one for the fame. The window of white leaves, resistance to your journey, Fu Yaoqin, could not, did not empty.
乙：可我就是學不好，再熬夜也學不好。
B: I can not learn, then stay up all night is not good.
甲：你白天學，晚上學，吃飯學，上廁所也學，干什麼都要想著學習學習再學習。
A: you day school, night school, dinner, the toilet, stem what want to learn and learn again.
乙：那哪成啊，晚上學一夜，白天就只好睡覺。吃著飯看書，我兩次把飯塞進鼻孔里，三次把飯塞進耳朵里，四次把飯塞進別人的嘴裡。上廁所看書，我怕呀。
B: so what ah, night, night, to sleep ring the day. Eat to read a book, I two put the meal into nostrils, three times the rice into his ear, four times the rice into the other's mouth. Go read a book, I am afraid.
甲：怕什麼？
A: what are you afraid of?
乙：我怕掉進去，我不會在那裡游泳啊。
B: I'm afraid fall into, I will not swim there.
甲：那你在學校都幹些什麼？
A: you in the school all to do what?
乙：我在學校，蹦蹦跳跳，哭哭笑笑，打打鬧鬧，撞牆上吊，白天睡覺夜裡放炮，沒事了鑽到床底下跟老鼠亂咬。
B: I was in school, bounce, laugh or cry, Dadanaonao, wall hanging, sleeping ring the day, night shooting, nothing to get under the bed with the mouse bite.
甲：學習不刻苦，不如回家賣紅薯，學習不努力，不如回家去種地。算了，別在這受苦受累了，回家去吧。
A: don't study hard, it is better to sell sweet home, don't study hard, as home to farm. Well, don't suffer, go home.
乙：哎……你這是什麼話，你有什麼了不起，不就是學習好點嘛，我要搞的你們家雞犬不寧。
B: hey...... What are you talking about, you have what fantastic, is not to learn a good point, you jiquanbuning home I get.
甲：你想怎麼樣？
A: what do you want?
乙：我往你們家打電話。喂，請問是王邁達的母親嗎，告訴你一個不幸的消息，可愛的王邁達同學於昨天上午被車撞了一下，又被石頭砸了一下，被驢踢了一下，還被狗咬了一口，現在正在醫院搶救。
B: I call you home. Hello, is that Wang Maida's mother, tell you a sad news, lovely classmates yesterday morning Wang Maida was hit by a bus, it is stone hit, kicking ass, was bitten by the dog, is now in the hospital rescue.
甲：地點？
A: location?
乙：黑龍江烏魯木齊。
B: Heilongjiang Urumqi.
甲：說這么遠干什麼？
A: so far stem what?
乙：讓她坐著車慢慢找去吧，把車費全搭進去。
B: let her sit car slowly look, the fare all take in.
甲：好吧，算你狠，大家都聽著，誰家有這樣的電話都找他，都是他乾的。
A: OK, you win, you listen, who have this phone for him, all he did.
乙：說實在的，我學習確實有困難。
B: to tell the truth, I really have difficulty learning.
甲：有什麼困難？
A: what are the difficulties?
乙：我一看書就發困，就渴就餓，就想上廁所。
B: I read a book on the sleepy, thirst hungry, they want to go to the toilet.
甲：這好辦呀。
A: that's easy.
乙：咋辦？
B: what?
甲：渴了餓了喝紅牛，困了累了還喝紅牛，尿頻尿急也喝紅牛。紅牛紅牛，不紅也牛。
A: thirsty and hungry drink Red Bull, sleepy and tired also drink Red Bull, frequent urination and drinking Red Bull. Red Bull Red Bull, not red cattle.
乙：可是我們家只有黃牛沒有紅牛。
B: but our cattle not only Red Bull.
甲：算了，我還是給你講幾個故事激發一下你的學習興趣吧。
A: Well, I give you some of the stories to stimulate your interest in learning.
乙：故事我愛聽。
B: I like the story.
甲：你聽過車胤囊螢，孫康映雪，匡衡鑿壁偷光嗎？
A: have you ever heard of Chen Yin capsule firefly, assious diligently, stealing light?
乙：沒聽說過，怎麼回事？
B: never heard of, how to return a responsibility?
甲：車胤呢，小時侯非常愛讀書，可是他家很窮很窮，沒錢買燈，於是他捉了許多螢火蟲，裝進一個袋子里，晚上照著讀書。
A: Car Yin, childhood love reading books very much, but his family were very poor, no money Maideng, so he caught many fireflies, in a sack, after reading the evening.
乙：那我們也去捉螢火蟲吧。
B: then we have to catch fireflies.
甲：你有電燈電棒要螢火蟲干什麼？
A: do you have a flashlight to light fireflies stem what?
乙：這樣才能體現我學習刻苦呀。
B: we can reflect I study hard.
甲：拉倒吧你，螢火蟲會發光你會發光嗎？螢火蟲會飛你會飛嗎？
A: forget you, fireflies glow you will shine? Fireflies fly can you fly?
乙：那孫康映雪呢？
B: that diligently?
甲：孫康晚上想讀書，可是他家很窮很窮，沒有燈，於是他在雪地里，借著雪的光亮讀書。
A: want to read Sun Kang night, but his family were very poor, there is no light, and he in the snow, with snow light reading.
乙：我看這天也不下雪的，可是外邊多冷啊。在外邊讀書，不被當成夢游症也被當成神經病啊。還是聽聽那個誰鑿壁偷東西吧，我也學學。
B: I think it does not snow, but cold outside. Outside reading, not be treated as sleepwalking is a mental derangement. Or listen to the guy who broke the wall to steal it, I also learn.
甲：那是匡衡鑿壁偷光，匡衡呢家裡也是很窮很窮，晚上沒燈讀書，於是把自家的牆壁鑿了個洞，借著鄰居的燈光讀書。
A: it is assious steals light, the Kuang Heng. The house is poor and very poor, the night did not light reading, then cut a hole in the wall of their neighbors, with light reading.
乙：可是我家隔壁是豬圈呀，再說把牆鑿得凈是窟窿，隔壁的小豬偷看我洗澡怎麼辦呀？
B: but my family next door is a pigsty, besides the net is the hole through the wall, next door to the pig peek how do I take a shower?
甲：我跟你介紹他們是想讓你學習他們刻苦的學習精神，天才就是這樣誕生的。
A: I'll introce you to them is to let you learn their hardworking, such a genius is born.
乙：天才，天天發財。
B: Genius, everyday get rich.
甲：你怎麼凈想著錢呢，這樣吧既然中國的你學不了，就學學外國的吧。牛頓。
A: how do you always think of money, such as Chinese you can not learn, learn foreign. Newton.
乙：長的象頭牛反應卻很遲鈍。
B: like a cow was long but very ll.
甲：奧斯特洛夫斯基。
A: Ostrovsky.
乙：你回家去娶老母雞？
B: you go home to marry the old hen?
甲：近代化學之父---道爾頓。
A: the father of modern chemistry. --- Dalton.
乙：長這么大沒聽說過化學還有個爸爸，他媽是誰呀？
B: so long haven't heard about chemistry and a father, his mother is who?
甲：好好好，咱不談學習了，談談你的生活吧。
A: Well, I don't talk about learning, talk about your life.

❾ 英語相聲帶翻譯

今天呢，給各位說一段英語相聲。
這位大家都認識，XXX我的搭檔
小號吹得好！ 就是最近啊，身體不好
尤其這次病的挺嚴重的，都破相了。
痔瘡。 呵呵，開個玩笑
就上個星期吧，XXX給我打點話：走啊，一起游泳去
我說：不去！ 我嫌臟，游泳池裡面有很多人都在裡面撒尿
他說：別怕，我們也可以尿！
最後還是他一個人去了。
當天下午3點，打電話給我：哥，帶2000塊贖我來吧，尿尿讓人逮著了。
去把他領回來。問他怎麼回事，他說：他們都在池子里尿的，我是站在岸邊尿的。
過兩天，他自己又去了。下午又給我打電話：兄弟。來贖我來吧，又讓人逮著了
去把他領回來，問他：又站岸邊尿了？ 他說：沒有啊。這次在池子里尿的，不過這幾天有點上火，尿是黃的。
Today, I would like to present a cross-talk.
This is XXX, my partner, everybody knows him.
He blows his trumpet very well! But he has been indisposed recently
This time he』s really very sick, he』s disfigured.
Hemorrhoids. Ha ha, it』s just a joke.
Just last week, XXX gave me a call: 「Come, let』s go swimming 」
I answered: 「No, it』s dirty; lots of people urinate in the pool」
He said: 「Don』t worry, we also can urinate!」
Finally he went alone.
Later in the afternoon at three o』clock, he called me: 「Brother, please bring 2000 Yuan to l me out, I was caught urinating.」
I asked him what』d happened after taking him back, he said: 「They urinated in the pool, but I did it standing at the poolside.」
Two days later, again he went there alone. In the afternoon, he called me again: 「Brother, I was caught again, come and l me.」
After bringing him back, I asked: 「Urinated at the poolside again?」
He answered: 「No, this time I did it in the pool, but these few days I have excessive internal heat, my urine was yellow. 」
這里有很多，自己找找就可以了．http://www.playauthor.com/Article/ShowClass.asp?ClassID=2

❿ 相聲《學英語》

馬：聽說您的學問不小啊？
趙：嗨，也沒什麼學問。
馬：客氣、客氣，在相聲演員當中，趙佩如，算是學問最大的了。
趙：不能那麼說，也有好多方面不如人家。
馬：您這是謙虛，當然您也有不足的地方。
趙：對、對、對，我有什麼不足您可以給我指出來。
馬：也不算什麼大毛病，看您願不願意改了。
趙：您可以說嘛。
馬：您吶——不會說外國話。
趙：這還真是個問題。
馬：哪兒有相聲演員不會說外國話的？
趙：可您說我想學吧，跟誰學呢？
馬：找我呀。
趙：噢，您...會外國話？
馬：嘿，你今兒算遇見高人了。
趙：您都會哪國話？
馬：我都不知道我會多少種，太多了——英國話、法國話、德國話、俄國話、日本話、意國話......我都說不上來我會多少種。
趙：那您可以教教我呀。
馬：在哪兒？在這兒教？不行，你把這玩意兒看的太易了，哦隨便一教就能學會？我跟你說就算你基礎好，最少也得半年。
趙：那當然了，您說我要是在這兒想一下子學會多少那是不可能的，我是說我在這兒跟您學兩句，您看看我發音怎麼樣，要是發音對，能行，您再教我難的，我定時就找您去，要是您看我這發音壓根兒就不行，咱甭耽誤那工夫，您看怎麼樣？
馬：哎——這對，這外國話主要就是看發音，你要是字對了音不對全白費。外國人跟咱們說話發音不一樣——外國人說話用喉音，咱們中國人說話用丹田音。我先教給你發音。
趙：那太好了。
馬：你打算學哪國話？
趙：我先學英國話。
馬：英國話啊，我教給你英格蘭的正音。你是打算學對話呀、還是學單句？
趙：我不懂什麼叫對話、什麼叫單句？
馬：對話么就是平時說話、日常用語，單句么就是單個的詞兒，桌子怎麼說？請坐怎麼說？
趙：那我學單句。
馬：行！哪國話？英國話？好嘞！你問吧...等會兒，我再跟你說說——按規矩問，想學不想學？
趙：想啊。
馬：想學就按規矩問，別胡問。
趙：那我不懂什麼叫規矩呀？我也沒學過外國話，比如說我問這句，您說了不行啊，這句不在規矩啊。那怎麼辦啊？
馬：按規矩問吶——外國人有這種東西、有這么句話，你可以問，人外國人根本沒這么句話，你問我，你成心找別扭，你拐彎抹角想把我問住，那你為難我——吃的開，怎麼說？不覺悶，怎麼說？人外國人沒這么句話；還有這...爆肚兒，怎麼說？兜兜，怎麼說？屁股簾兒...人外國人根本沒這個東西。
趙：我要這么問我是胡來了，人外國根本沒有的我問，讓您現翻譯也麻煩，只要外國有的我就可以問對吧？
馬：對！你比如說桌子、請坐，這我就可以告訴你呀...
趙：你干嗎偏就讓我問這桌子、請坐呀？我問你帽子怎麼說？
馬：別胡問、別胡問，按規矩問。
趙：帽子這怎麼不規矩了？
馬：不行不行，胡來這不行...
趙：他不會了他告我胡來——人外國人不戴帽子嗎？外國人出門都光著腦袋？
馬：我說我不會了么？帽子這沒法說，帽子多了——禮帽？氈帽？草帽？
趙：我不管什麼氈帽、禮帽，就說帽子，英國話怎麼說？
馬：帽子啊——聽好了，教你英格蘭的正音，帽......哎，我拜託各位啊，我可不知道在坐的哪位懂英語啊，我說出這句話來，不管是對、還是不對，拜託各位，千萬——別管。
趙：你叫人家別管這象話嗎？
馬：就算我拜託各位啊。帽子啊——帽...帽...帽帽。
趙：帽帽？
馬：你就聽這音，就聽這發音。記住了嗎？
趙：記住了。
馬：先別出去說去，你剛學呀千萬別出去跟人家說去，你就會這么一句，你出去跟人一說，人家回頭問你一句別的你不會了，記住了啊！
趙：行、行、行！那麼穿的那個襪子是？
馬：襪襪。
趙：襪襪。那吃的那包子呢？
馬：包包。
趙：哦——那吃餃子叫餃餃吧！
馬：哎？行啊，外國話你有點兒啊！
趙：我有什麼呀我有，我就有這個呀，這是外國話嗎？這是小孩剛會說話——我要戴帽帽、我要穿襪襪、我要吃包包...
馬：可千萬別出去說去！
趙：我跟誰說去？！——我六十多了我出去跟人說：「我要吃餃餃！」
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