英語幽默情景對話

『壹』 急需英語幽默四人情景對話，

第一篇

Mike(M) Danny(C), Tommy(T)---classmates
地點:Scene----in the college dorm大學宿舍
Danny is playing a computer game on his laptop. Tommy is sleeping.
Mike came back from a morning jogging.

M: hi, Dan, what are u doing?
D: I am playing war craft.
M: Where is Tommy?
D: Shiiiii!
M:What? What's the matter?
D: Don't u see? He is still sleeping.
M: My goodness! I can't believe this! It』s almost nine. He got to get up now. Don't u remember we are required to make up a three people dialogue for tomorrow's oral class?
D: Yes, I do. You wake up Tommy and I will play one more round of war craft.
M: You'd better stop playing right now. We don't have much time to prepare this dialogue. Tommy! Tommy! Wake up! Time to wake up!
T:five more minutes, please.
Mike: No way, Jose. Time really flies.We still have a lot to do. Hurry up.
T: (Tommy sits up in his bed) Can I lie down two more minutes, please, just two more minutes? when Danny finishes his game, I will be fine.(Yawns) I don't know why I am so so sleepy. (Tommy lies down again.)
M: Guys!!! I am really angry now. Time waits for nobody. If you two don't stop what you are doing now, I will find somebody else to be my partners.
D and T: all right. All right. We listen to u.

M: That's more like it. We need will power.
D and T: what is will power?
M: Will power is trying hard not to do something that you really want to do.
D: You mean like trying not to play war craft?
Mike: right.
T: you mean like trying not to stay up late?
M: right.
Danny turns off his computer. Tommy gets up and goes to the bathroom.
Two minutes later the three maskeetters are working on their assignment.
Danny: Mike, can I take a little break? Let me play one round and we will continue our work?
Tommy: Mike, Can I lie down a minute? My back hurts.
Mike: No! No! No! Let's finish our work first before we do anything. We need will power!!!
Danny and Tommy: that's true. We need will power! We listen to you.

第二篇

TOM'S EXCUSE
Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?
Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go
Slow".
湯姆的借口
老師：湯姆，您為什麼每天上學遲到？
湯姆：我每次路過拐角，一個路標上面寫著："學校----慢行。"
DID YOUR DAD...
2)Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!"
and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!"
湯姆對著吉姆罵道:"我受不了你這個苯蛋了!"
吉姆說:"你媽媽能!"
附:bear 有兩重意思:"生"和"忍受"這個笑話正是根據這點.
3)Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!"
and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!"
湯姆對著吉姆罵道:"我受不了你這個苯蛋了!"
吉姆說:"你媽媽能!"
附:bear 有兩重意思:"生"和"忍受"這個笑話正是根據這點.
4)A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"
一男子進入教堂和上帝對話.他問:"主啊, 一百萬美元對你意味著多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又問:"那一百萬年呢?"上帝說:"一秒鍾."最後男子請求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士嗎?"上帝回答:"過一秒鍾."
5)Mother sent Tommy to the store across the street to buy a good box of matches.When Tommy came back,mother asked him,」Did you buy a good box of matches?」
「Yes,Mum.」Tommy replied,」I have tried them all.」
一盒小火柴
媽媽讓湯米去馬路對面的商店裡買一盒好用的火柴。湯米回來後，媽媽問他，「你買的是好用的火柴嗎？」
「是的，媽媽。」湯米回答，「我把它們都試過了。」
6)Father:Uh,oh,I think I just made an illegal right-hand turn.
Susie:That is okay ,dad,the policeman behind you just did the same thing!
開車
父親：哎呀，我剛才違規右轉彎了。
蘇西：沒事，爸，跟在你後面的警察也這么轉了。
7)Little Robert asked his mother for tow cents.」What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?」
「I gave it to a poor old woman,」he answered.
「You』er a good boy,」said the mother proudly.」Here are tow cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?」
「She is the one who sells the candy.」
好孩子
小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
「昨天給你的錢干什麼了？」
「我給了一個可憐的老太婆。」他回答說。「你真是一個好孩子，」媽媽驕傲地說. 「再給你兩分錢。可你為什麼對那位老太太那麼感興趣呢？」
「她是個賣糖果的。」
8)Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked,」What happened?」
「A kid bit me,」replied Ivan.
「Would you recognize him if you sew him again?」asked his mother.
「I』d know him any where,」said Ivan.」I have his ear in my pocket.」
他的耳朵在我的衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流著血回到家裡。他媽媽問，「發生了什麼事？」
「一個男孩咬了我一口。」伊凡說。
「再見到他你能認出來嗎？」媽媽問。
「他走到哪裡我都能認出他，」伊凡說，「他的耳朵還在我的衣兜里。」
9)Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

兩只鳥
老師： 這兒有兩只鳥，一隻是麻雀。誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎？
學生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老師：請說說看。
學生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。

第三篇（有點長）

TOM'S EXCUSE
Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?
Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go
Slow".
湯姆的借口
老師：湯姆，您為什麼每天上學遲到？
湯姆：我每次路過拐角，一個路標上面寫著："學校----慢行。"
DID YOUR DAD...
2)Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!"
and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!"
湯姆對著吉姆罵道:"我受不了你這個苯蛋了!"
吉姆說:"你媽媽能!"
附:bear 有兩重意思:"生"和"忍受"這個笑話正是根據這點.
3)Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!"
and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!"
湯姆對著吉姆罵道:"我受不了你這個苯蛋了!"
吉姆說:"你媽媽能!"
附:bear 有兩重意思:"生"和"忍受"這個笑話正是根據這點.
4)A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"
一男子進入教堂和上帝對話.他問:"主啊, 一百萬美元對你意味著多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又問:"那一百萬年呢?"上帝說:"一秒鍾."最後男子請求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士嗎?"上帝回答:"過一秒鍾."
5)Mother sent Tommy to the store across the street to buy a good box of matches.When Tommy came back,mother asked him,」Did you buy a good box of matches?」
「Yes,Mum.」Tommy replied,」I have tried them all.」
一盒小火柴
媽媽讓湯米去馬路對面的商店裡買一盒好用的火柴。湯米回來後，媽媽問他，「你買的是好用的火柴嗎？」
「是的，媽媽。」湯米回答，「我把它們都試過了。」
6)Father:Uh,oh,I think I just made an illegal right-hand turn.
Susie:That is okay ,dad,the policeman behind you just did the same thing!
開車
父親：哎呀，我剛才違規右轉彎了。
蘇西：沒事，爸，跟在你後面的警察也這么轉了。
7)Little Robert asked his mother for tow cents.」What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?」
「I gave it to a poor old woman,」he answered.
「You』er a good boy,」said the mother proudly.」Here are tow cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?」
「She is the one who sells the candy.」
好孩子
小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
「昨天給你的錢干什麼了？」
「我給了一個可憐的老太婆。」他回答說。「你真是一個好孩子，」媽媽驕傲地說. 「再給你兩分錢。可你為什麼對那位老太太那麼感興趣呢？」
「她是個賣糖果的。」
8)Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked,」What happened?」
「A kid bit me,」replied Ivan.
「Would you recognize him if you sew him again?」asked his mother.
「I』d know him any where,」said Ivan.」I have his ear in my pocket.」
他的耳朵在我的衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流著血回到家裡。他媽媽問，「發生了什麼事？」
「一個男孩咬了我一口。」伊凡說。
「再見到他你能認出來嗎？」媽媽問。
「他走到哪裡我都能認出他，」伊凡說，「他的耳朵還在我的衣兜里。」
9)Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

兩只鳥
老師： 這兒有兩只鳥，一隻是麻雀。誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎？
學生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老師：請說說看。
學生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。

『貳』 搞笑的英語情景長長對話

朝搞笑英語對話
一個老外，進到辦公室，前台小姐左看右看，大家都在打游戲，面帶微笑的：

前台小姐：「Hello.」 老外：「Hi.」
前台小姐：「You have what thing？」老外：「Can you speak english？」

前台小姐：「If I not speak english, I am speaking what？」
老外：「Can anybody else speak english？」
前台小姐：「You yourself look. All people are playing, no people have time, yo
u can wait, you wait, you not wait, you go！」
老外：「Good heavens. Anybody here can speak English？」
前台小姐：「Shout what shout, quiet a little, you on earth have what thing？」

老外：「I want to speak to your head.」前台小姐：「Head not zai. You tomorrow
come！」

『叄』 急求！英語三分鍾搞笑情景對話！！

The chicken with three legs
旁白：One day,a driver drives his car to a village.He drives very fast,but he see a chicken over him.
司機（獨白）：What?! Is that chicken?Why it can run so quickly! It's not true!
旁白：After one hour,the drive meet a farmer.
司機（對話）：Excuse me,do you know the chicken that can runs very quickly?
農場主：Of couse! It's my chicken! Did you see it?
司機：Yeah,when I drove with 80 kilometers per hour,I saw it in advance of me.
農場主：Oh,it's my new invent.Because most of visiter like eating chicken, so I invented the chincken with three legs.
司機：Wow,so fantastic! Is it delicious?
農場主：Sorry,I don't know. Because I never catch them.
如果一個人演雞大概四個人……一個比較諷刺的小短劇，可能有語法錯誤，抱歉只能做到這樣

『肆』 搞笑英語情景對話 英語演講用

A man asked for a meal in a restaurant. The waiter brought the food and put it on the table. After a moment, the man called the waiter and said:

"Waiter! Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!"

"Please don't speak so loudly, sir," said the waiter, "or everyone will want one."

************************************************************

An English teacher wrote these words on the whiteboard: "woman without her man is nothing". The teacher then asked the students to punctuate the words correctly.

The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."

The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."

*************************************************************

Five Englishmen boarded a train just behind five Scots, who, as a group had only purchased one ticket. Just before the conctor came through, all the Scots piled into the toilet stall at the back of the car. As the conctor passed the stall, he knocked and called"Tickets, please!" and one of the Scots slid a ticket under the door. It was punched, pushed back under the door, and when it was safe all the Scots came out and took their seats. The Englishmen were tremendously impressed by the Scots' ingenuity. On the trip back, the five Englishmen decided to try this themselves and purchased only one ticket. They noticed that, oddly, the Scots had not purchased any tickets this time. Anyway, again, just before the conctor came through, the Scots piled into one of the toilet stalls, the Englishmen into the other. Then one of the Scots leaned out, knocked on the Englishmen's stall and called "Ticket, Please!" When the ticket slid out under the door, he picked it up and quickly closed the door.

『伍』 英語雙人情景幽默對話

經典對話一：

男：Can I buy you a drink?（我可以為你買一杯飲料嗎？）

女：Actually I』d rather have the money.（不必，我我寧願留下那些錢。)

經典對話二：

男：Can I have your name?（直譯：我能有你的名字嗎？）

女：Why? Don』t you already have one? （為什麼？你不是已經有一個了嗎？）

經典對話三：

男：I』m a photographer. I』ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是攝影師。我一直在尋找一張像你這樣的臉。）

女：I』m a plastic surgeon. I』ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是整形外科醫生。我也一直在尋找一張像你這樣的臉。）

經典對話四：

男：Is this seat empty?（直譯：這個座位是空的吧？）

女：Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.（是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。）

經典對話五：

男：Haven』t I seen you some place before?（我好像以前在什麼地方見過你？）

女：Yes. That』s why I don』t go there anymore.（是的。這就是為什麼我不再去那個地方的原因。）

經典對話六：

男：Will you go out with me this Saturday?（這個星期六你想跟我出去嗎？）

女：Sorry. I』m having a headache this weekend.（抱歉。這個周末我頭疼。）

『陸』 英語搞笑對話段子

搞笑對話搞笑英語情景對話一：

ose: Honey, mother needs a perch.
親愛的，媽媽需要一個歇腳的地方。

Jack: Mother? We're the same age. Mom, you look so great.

媽?我們年紀差不大啊。媽，你看起來真美。

Mom: Stop kissing my ass, you little man. I haven't promised to give away my daughter. Just move away and I need a place to give away my sneeze first.

不要再拍我馬屁了，你這個小個子。我還沒答應要把我女兒送出去呢。挪開去，我需要一個地方先把我的噴嚏送出去。

Jack: Just a second. Use my special bag. Don't waste your sneeze.
等一下。用我這個特製袋。不要浪費了你的噴嚏。

Mom: Ahchoo! Sorry. I don't usually make that big noise.

阿切!不好意思通常沒那麼大聲的。

Jack: That's all right. Can I have the bag please? I want to take it to my lab.

沒關系。可以把那個袋子給我嗎?我想帶回實驗室。

Mom: Are you joking? No. What are you going to do with my sneeze, weirdo? Aren't you that freak Frankensein, are you?

你在開玩笑嗎?不。你這個怪人，你想對我的噴嚏做什麼?你不是那個《科學怪人》吧?

Jack: I want to be though. I think his experiments are cool. Easy, mom. This is my job to study sneeze.

雖然我想, 我覺得他的試驗都很酷. 放鬆, 媽.研究噴嚏,是我的工作.

Mom: Sneeze?

噴嚏?

Jack: Jesus! Help, Rose. Your Mom passed out. OMG.

天哪! 救命，羅思.媽暈過去了。天哪!

『柒』 英語二人幽默對話

One day, a village idiot won the first prize in the lottery(彩票).
「How did you guess the lucky number?」 asked his neighbor.
「Well, three times, I dream of seven; so I figure it out that three times seven are twenty-four, and I bought the ticket with number 24 then I won the first prize.」
「Why, you blamed fool (你這個傻瓜！). Three times seven is twenty-one not twenty-four.」
「Is that so?」 said the village idiot, Well, twenty-four won, anyway.」

參考資料： http://www.sowerclub.com/ViewTopic.php?id=138159

經典對話一：

男：Can I buy you a drink?（我可以為你買一杯飲料嗎？）

女：Actually I』d rather have the money.（不必，我我寧願留下那些錢。)

經典對話二：

男：Can I have your name?（直譯：我能有你的名字嗎？）

女：Why? Don』t you already have one? （為什麼？你不是已經有一個了嗎？）

經典對話三：

男：I』m a photographer. I』ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是攝影師。我一直在尋找一張像你這樣的臉。）

女：I』m a plastic surgeon. I』ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是整形外科醫生。我也一直在尋找一張像你這樣的臉。）

經典對話四：

男：Is this seat empty?（直譯：這個座位是空的吧？）

女：Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.（是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。）

經典對話五：

男：Haven』t I seen you some place before?（我好像以前在什麼地方見過你？）

女：Yes. That』s why I don』t go there anymore.（是的。這就是為什麼我不再去那個地方的原因。）

經典對話六：

男：Will you go out with me this Saturday?（這個星期六你想跟我出去嗎？）

女：Sorry. I』m having a headache this weekend.（抱歉。這個周末我頭疼。）

經典對話七：

男：I think I could make you very happy.（我想我能讓你非常快樂。）

女：Why? Are you leaving?（是嗎？你是說你要離開？）

『捌』 急求！英語三人情景對話（要搞笑的）

顧客：小心，你的大拇指在我湯里了
服務員：別擔心，先生，不是很燙！
Diner: Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup!
Waiter: Don't worry Sir it's not that hot!
一個服務員給顧客拿來了牛排，大拇指在牛肉上。
「你瘋了嗎？」顧客喊到，「你的手在我的牛排上！」
「什麼？」服務員說，「你想讓它再掉地上？」
A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat.
Are you crazy? yelled the customer with your hand on my steak?
What answers the waiter You want it to fall on the floor again?
服務員：茶或咖啡？先生。
第一個顧客：我要茶
第二個顧客：我也是茶——杯子要干凈的！
服務員：兩杯茶，哪個要干凈的杯子？
Waiter: Tea or coffee gentlemen?
I'll have tea.
2nd customer: Me too - and be sure the glass is clean!
(Waiter exits returns)
Waiter: Two teas. Which one asked for the clean glass?
創新句子：我堅持用干凈杯子喝茶。
服務員，這只蒼蠅在我湯里干什麼？
看起來象是在仰泳，
Waiter what's this fly doing in my soup?
Um looks to me to be backstroke sir...
服務員，湯里有隻蒼蠅！
別擔心，先生，麵包里的蜘蛛會幹掉它。
Waiter there's a fly in my soup!
Don't worry sir the spider on the breadroll will get 'em.
服務員，我湯里有隻蒼蠅！
不是，先生，那是蟑螂，蒼蠅在你牛排里。
Waiter there's a fly in my soup!
No sir that's a cockroach the fly is on your steak.
服務員，湯里有隻蒼蠅！
別讓別人看見，先生，要不別人都要。
Waiter there's a fly in my soup!
Keep it down sir or they'll all be wanting one.
服務員，湯里有隻蒼蠅！
我知道，先生，我們沒有另收錢。
Waiter there's a fly in my soup!
Its OK Sir there's no extra charge!
服務員，湯里有隻蒼蠅！
對不起，先生，我弄走那三個時忘了這個。
Waiter there is a fly in my soup!
Sorry sir maybe I've forgotten it when I removed the other three.
服務員，湯里有隻死蒼蠅！
是的，先生，是開水殺死了它們。
Waiter there's a dead fly in my soup!
Yes sir it's the hot water that kills them.