英語幽默小品

Ⅰ 英語搞笑小品劇本（要簡單點）

12分鍾好象有點長，我這里有我參加「星星火炬英語風采大賽」的劇本。參考一下額
Time ancient times. Character Mister Dongguo, wolf, hunter, old
apricot tree, Lao Niu, old farmer." In wilderness the mist and st is
billowing, shouts the acoustic shock day. In shouted that, " fight wolves!pursues (a wolf belt arrow wound to go on stage)
wolf: I originally am
come from the north wolf, but in today the arrow was injured (wolf
lamely to run) [ Mister Dongguo to carry on the book pouch, on the one
hand walks on the other hand self-effacingly recites poetry.)
Guo: From a pot of wine among the flowers
I drank alone. There was no one with me --
Till, raising my cup, I asked the bright moon
To bring me my shadow and make us three.

(Between the flower a pot liquor, drinks alone without the intimate.
Raises glass invites the bright moonlight, becomes three people to the
shade) (suddenly to discover on road crowd of ants, heart of the
mercy, has lifted a foot does not enre to lay down)
Guo: (Reads)
walks not injuries the cricket 蟻命 manner to have to have the mercy
heart (cautiously to bypass ant, after continues to lead the way)
(field shout big quake)
Guo: What happened next? The United States
military has joined battle with Iraq? (Wolf runs has come up) the
wolf: The alt saves a life, behind had a hunter to have to peel my
skin, rescued me!
Guo: Good good, is the person to want to be sincere
(was saying behind, dismounts the package, all but actually came out
the inside book)
Guo: You first hide in this package (wolf lamely
sneak in package) (Mister Dongguo to carry book pouch, continues to
walk) (on hunter) the hunter asks
Guo: Ask scholar's, has seen the
wolf which was injured to pass a moment ago?
Guo: Not.
Hunter: Thanks
gentleman. After (under hunter) (waits hunter to walk far, Mister
Dongguo put wolf from book pouch has gotten down)

Guo: The hunter walked, you in a big hurry escape the
wolf: Is
not I does not want to walk, I really am tired hungry
Guo: What then
you do want to eat?
Wolf: I must eat your meat! ! (Reveals fierce and antagonistic
expression)
Guo: Why then you do want to eat me? I have graciousness
and you

Wolf: Because you me stuffily in book pouch too long
Guo:
Really is the good intention not good newspaper. Is not good, I must
go ask the person to figure out! (Said, brings wolf to go) (to walk to
an old tree under)
Guo: Sets up eldest sister, I rescued the wolf, the
wolf have actually had to eat me. You to me comment this principle!
Tree: Should eat! (Wolf self-satisfied has smiled) the tree: Your
humanity endlessly cutted the piece of trees, continually our these old trees do
not let off, burns us with the fire. Why can't the wolf eat you? Ate
you to be able few indivial to damage the nature (under old tree,
wolf slowly approached Mister Dongguo) (by now on cow)
Guo: Holds on a minute, lets me ask Niu eldest brother Guo: Eldest
brother Niu, my good intention has rescued this wolf, now it actually
must eat me. Should you said? Cow: This! Our Lao Niu gives birth to
must do this for your humanity to do that, drinks or our milk. But we
only eat the worst fodder every day, rest the worst cowshed, you also
had to dig up our cowhide to make money. The old wolf should eat you.
Wolf: (Sneers). Looked you also have any flattery (under cow) (on
farmer) Guo: And so on one and so on, the distant place has come an
old farmer. Asks him to figure out, if he said you should eat me, I
have complied with. Wolf: Good, I give you last the opportunity. Guo:
The old uncle, I has rescued this wolf, it actually ungratefully must
eat me. You said this makes sense? The farmer asks the wolf: Why did
you want to eat your savior? Wolf: He too has been stuffily long me in
the book pouch, almost suffocates me (farmer to take up book pouch,
about about looks at) the farmer: Was this book pouch such small, how
many installs the book all not to be able to install, how installed
under you? Or you demonstrate to me have a look? Wolf: The
demonstration (said on the demonstration, earth-boring auger has
leisurely gone in) the farmer to settle on the time, grips tightly the
book pouch mouth, ties up with the string. The wolf on is stranded in
the inside farmer: Silly scholar, the wild animal eventually is a wild
animal, could not change natural disposition. Is the person surely not
to be able to be excessively benevolent! Guo: (Nod name is) indeed
indeed, declines office e to old age the uncle to teach the farmer:
Then the present, we "solved" it (say. Two people treat the book pouch
to pummel, the farmer also uses the hoe to pound the wolf. The wolf
sends out the sorrowful bugle call in inside, one could not not then
have the sound of something astir) (farmer and Mister Dongguo shook
hand, separates from each other)

The curtain falls, all actor goes on stage.
時間 古代。
人物 東郭先生、狼 、獵人、老杏樹，老牛、老農。」
荒野中煙塵滾滾，喊聲震天。
內喊：「打狼啊，追啊
（一狼帶箭傷上場，）
狼：我本是一隻來自北方的狼，無奈今天中箭受了傷
（狼一瘸一拐跑下）
〔東郭先生背著書囊上，邊走邊搖頭晃腦地念詩。）
郭： From a pot of wine among the flowers
I drank alone. There was no one with me --
Till, raising my cup, I asked the bright moon
To bring me my shadow and make us three.
（花間一壺酒，獨酌無相親。舉杯邀明月，對影成三人）
（忽然發現路上一群螞蟻，頓起慈悲之心，已舉起的一隻腳不忍放下）
郭： （念）走路莫傷螻蟻命
為人要有慈悲心
（小心翼翼地繞過螞蟻，繼續前行）
（後場喊聲大震，）
郭：又發生了什麼事？美軍又與伊拉克交戰了嗎？
（狼跑過上來）
狼：大人救命，後面有個獵人要剝了我的皮，救救我吧！
郭：好吧好吧，做人要厚道
（說著，卸下背後的包，把裡面的書都倒了出來）
郭：你先躲在這個包里吧
（狼一瘸一拐地鑽進包里）
（東郭先生背著書囊，繼續走）
（獵人上，）
獵人問郭： 請問秀才，剛才看見一隻受傷的狼過去了嗎？
郭：沒有啊。
獵人：謝謝先生。
（獵人下）
（待獵人走遠後，東郭先生把狼從書囊里放了下來）

郭：獵人已走，你快快逃命去吧
狼：不是我不想走，我實在是又累又餓
郭：那你要吃什麼？
狼：我要吃你的肉！！（露出兇狠表情）
郭：那你為何要吃我？我有恩與你

狼：因為你把我悶在書囊里太久了
郭：真是好心沒好報。不行，我要去找人評理！
（說完，帶著狼向前去）
（走到一棵老樹下）郭：樹大姐，我救了狼，狼卻要吃我。你給我評評這個理！
樹：該吃！
（狼得意的笑了）
樹：你們人類無休止地亂砍亂伐，連我們這些老樹也不放過，用火來燒我們。狼為什麼不能吃你呢？吃了你就能少個人來禍害大自然了
（老樹下，狼慢慢逼近東郭先生）
（這時牛上了）
郭： 且慢，讓我去問問牛大哥
郭：牛大哥，我好心救了這只狼，現在它卻要吃我。你說該不該？
牛：該！我們老牛生下來就要為你們人類干這干那，喝的還是我們的奶。可我們每天只吃最差的草料、睡最差的牛棚，你們還要扒了我們的牛皮去賺錢。老狼該吃你。
狼：（冷笑）。看你還有什麼好說的
（牛下）（農夫上）
郭：等一等，遠處來了一位老農夫。找他評理，要是他說你該吃了我，我就遵從。
狼：好，我就給你最後一次機會。
郭：老伯，我救了這只狼，它卻忘恩負義地要吃我。你說這有道理嗎？
農夫問狼：你為何要吃了你的救命恩人？
狼：他把我悶在書囊里太久了，差點悶死我
（農夫拿起書囊，上下左右看了看）
農夫：這書囊這么小，裝書都裝不了多少，怎麼裝的下你？要不你示範給我看看？
狼：示範就示範
（說完，慢慢悠悠地鑽了進去）
農夫看準時間，把書囊口扎緊，用繩子綁好。狼就被困在裡面了
農夫：傻秀才啊，野獸終究是野獸，改不了本性的。做人千萬不能過分仁慈！
郭：（點頭稱是）的確的確，多謝老伯教誨
農夫：那麼現在，我們就把它「解決了吧」
（說罷。兩人對著書囊拳打腳踢，農夫還用鋤頭砸狼。狼在裡面發出哀號聲，不一會便沒了動靜）
（農夫與東郭先生握了握手，分道揚鑣）

幕落，全體演員上場。
劇本是我自己寫的，希望給你幫上忙啊

Ⅱ 有哪些搞笑的英文小品

老媽叫我翻譯!!!(超強爆笑)
今天我正在看碟，老媽又捧了本書進來，說道：給我講講這幾句話什麼意思

老媽：這個「i don』t know.「是什麼意思？

我說：「我不知道」

老媽：送你上大學上了幾年，你怎麼什麼都不知道！！

我說：不是！就是「我不知道」嗎！！

老媽：還嘴硬！！！！$@％!#$^&％#$％@$％@#$％!^％^!^％$^#&..(一頓爆揍)

老媽：你在給我說說這個。「i know.「是什麼意思你該知道吧，給我說說。

我說：是「我知道「

老媽：知道就快說。

我說：就是「我知道「

老媽：找茬呀你？剛才收拾你收拾的輕了是不？

我說：就是我知道呀！

老媽：知道你還不說！！不懂不要裝懂！&*$％^@$#!％$@^％#*$^^^##$％(又一頓爆揍)

老媽：你給我小心點，花那麼多錢送你上大學，搞的現在什麼都不會，會那麼一丁點東西還跟老娘擺譜，再問你最後一個，你給我好好解釋一下，說不出來我在收拾你，你給我翻譯一下「i know but i don』t want to tell you.「是什麼意思？

我暈倒，拿起枕頭往頭上爆砸三十幾下，用頭撞牆四十多下，雙手輪番抽自己嘴巴五十多下，用腿踢桌子角六十多下，血肉模糊之時，我問老媽：這下你滿意吧

這不她老人家又來問我了:「兒啊,i`m very annoyance,don`t tuouble me .是什麼意思啊~?「

我:「我很煩,別煩我「

老媽:「找打,跟你媽這么說話「(於是被扁)

老媽又問;「i hear nothing,repeat. 是what意思啊「

我說:「我沒聽清,再說一次「

老媽又說了一遍:i hear nothing,repeat「

「我沒聽清,再說一次「

結果被扁

老媽再問:「what do you say 「又怎麼解釋呢「

我說:「你說什麼「(再次被扁)

老媽再問:「look up in the dictionary「是何意啊』

我說:「查字典「

「查字典我還問你做甚「(被扁)

老媽又問:you had better ask some body.怎麼翻呢「

我說:「你最好問別人「

「你是我兒子,我問別人干嗎,又找打.「

「啊!god save me !「

「上帝救救我吧!」

「耍你老媽玩,上帝也救不了你!(被扁)

我再問你:「use you head,then think it over,又是什麼意思啊!「

我說:「動動腦子,再仔細想想.「

「臭小子,還敢耍我「接著又要動手

我連忙說:「是世上只有媽媽好的意思」

「嗯,這還差不多,一會我給你做好吃的,明天再問你」【好笑不？】

Ⅲ 小學英語幽默小品

搞笑小學英語小品劇本《新守株待兔》

人物：農夫，兔子A，兔子B，大樹。

農夫：I』m a farmer.（稍停頓）[走兩步]A cool farmer.（掏出墨鏡戴上）[冷酷地走兩步，突然被絆了一跤，繼續保持冷酷]Eh...When I was yong,I studied in Xu~~~~chuan Middle School.So, I』m rich now！[開始展示名牌，邊說邊掏]Look！This is my modern

mobile——Nokia WC 250！This is my watch!This is my MP3!These are my shoes——(誇張低沉地)ADIDAS!This is… [不經意地掏出一個蘋果]Oh,sorry.[扔掉蘋果]It』s this![從懷里掏出癢癢撓] Do you know what』s this？癢癢撓？No no no~~You are out!!It』s my modern——鋤頭~！！[看下錶] It is time to do some farming！[開始彎下腰做出鋤地的動作]

樹：I』m a tree!I can do many things!I can sing![做出瘋狂搖滾歌手的動作，哼哼哈西！！！]I can dance![跳四小天鵝] Oh?There comes a rabbit! [引導觀眾看兔子A)。樹站回後台]

兔子A：OK,I』m a rabbit. Now I』m just walking around here.

[農夫繼續鋤地，邊鋤邊上場，突然看見前面有個兔子]

農夫：（驚喜地）Lunch！[扔掉癢癢撓]I will catch it！ [偷偷摸摸地跟到兔子後面走]

[農夫跟在兔子後面。兩個人走啊走。兔子突然回頭。農夫假裝看手錶。兩人繼續走。兔子回頭。農夫假裝看天氣。兩人繼續走。兔子回頭。農夫假裝打手機。兩人繼續走，兔子回頭。這次農夫冷酷地把槍口對准了兔子。]

兔子A：Wahhhh~!（嚇一跳）What do you want?

Ⅳ 幽默英語小品

語搞笑話劇《孔雀東南飛》

作者：佚名 文章來源：本站原創 點擊數：7713 更新時間：2005-11-27

Wanderseveryfivemiles
焦仲卿Johnny(Jforshort)劉蘭芝Lunch(Lforshort)
焦母Johnny』smother(JMforshort)劉母Lunch』smother(LMforshort)
太守之子Mayor』sson(MSforshort)強盜Burglars(ABandC)

Prologue本文轉自：www.coffbar.com小品劇本，簡歷封面，免費電影

(J作被打狀跑上台,內砸出一卷紙筒,J被打中,狼狽不堪)
J:EverybodysaysthatI』mhenpecked,butinfact,I』masstrongasatiger,(小聲)whilemy
wifeisWuSong.
(指著上台處的門大聲道)I』mnotafraidofyou!
(內砸出一臉盆,J接住當成盾牌護著頭)Then,I』mafraidofwhom?
-hood.Sheisbraverthanme,
.AllthisIdonotcare.Ionlywanthertobetender
thanme.Butsheisnot!!
(內又砸出一卷紙筒,擊中J)
MyGod!Whocanhelpme?(下)

Act1
(序幕結束時,JM作竊聽狀)
JM(拄拐棍上):Ican!
(對門內)Lunch!Lunch!Whereareyou?
L(扎著圍裙,拿著鍋鏟,從門內跳出來):I』mhere!What』supmum?
JM:I』「mymostbeautifulgracefuland
dearestmother-in-law」.
L:OK.-in-law,what』sup?
JM:.Youhavebeensorude,sobrusque,so
lazy……
L:But……
JM:Neverinterruptme!
L:Neverinterruptme!SinceImarriedyourson,thatterribleJohnny,Ihavebeenworkinghardall
daylong,cookingandwashing.
and……
JM:!
L(生氣地揮動著鍋鏟):Oh,youwantagrandson,don』tyou?(開始解圍裙)Goandaskyour
son.I』mleaving!(扯下圍裙,扔在JM的臉上,下)

Act2
(LM坐在台上打毛線,L拿著鍋鏟上)
L:Mum,I』mback!
LM:Youareback?Why?Whathappened?
L:–in-law.
LM(驚訝,但隨即露出幸災樂禍的神情):See!Ihavealreadytoldyou!Whenyouinsistedon
marryingthatterribleJohnny,,butyoudidnotlisten
tome.Lookatyourself……
L:But,mum……
LM:Neverinterruptme!
L:Mum,I』mnotinterruptingyou.?And
I』llmarrywhomeveryouwantmeto.
LM(大喜):Nicegirl!Justnow,Imetthemayor』ssoninthemarket.Hesaid:「Ifyoudaughter
Haven』tbeenmarried,Ireallyreallywanttomarryher!」Nowyouarefreeagain,I』llgo
andtellhim.(下)
L(驚愕):What?Themayor』sson?-hood?(手中的鍋
鏟掉在地上)WhatasillythingIhavedone!(下)

Act3本文轉自：www.coffbar.com小品劇本，簡歷封面，免費電影

(J睡眼惺忪上)
J(邊走邊道):Lunch!Lunch!Wherearemysocks?
(走了幾步,在地上撿起襪子)Heretheyare!(聞一下) Er!Howsmelly!Theyarestilldirty!
(突然想起)Lunchhasgone!Ihavetowashthemmyself.
(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起來)Oh,I』msohungry!Butthere』snobreakfast!(撿起地上的圍
裙)ThisiswhatLunchalwayswears!Imisshersomuch,andherexcellentcookingskill!Now
shehasgone..
JM(上):Where』smybreakfast?Where』sLunch?Hasn』tshegotupyet?
J:Mum,can』tyouremember?Lunchhasgone!
JM(沉吟片刻):Well,totellyouthetruthJohnny,asonwithoutawifeisuseless.Lunchisanice
girl,goandtakeherback!
J(立正敬禮):Yesmadam!

Act4
(J開心地走著，忽然跳出來三個強盜)
A:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!
Theroadisbuiltbyme!(抬腳重重地踩在一塊大石頭上)
B:AndIplantedonetree!(亦抬腳踩在同一塊石頭上)
C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---(欲踩石頭，但踩到了A的腳)
AB&C:Giveusallyourmoney!
J(搜遍了每一個口袋，掏出1角硬幣):Is1maoenough?
(三強盜暈倒狀，接著三人聚在一邊商量)
A:Whatbadluck!Thisguyisbroken!
B:Ifwecannotrobanymoneytoday,wewillhavenothingtoeattonight!
C:Iheardthatthemayor』.WEcangoand
robthewedding!
A&B:Goodidea!
J(驚訝):What?What?Lunchisgoingtogetmarried?It』simpossible!
AB&C:Why?Aprettygirlandarichman,whatagoodcouple!
J:ButLunchismywife!Wehaven』tgotdivorcedyet!
(突然有了主意)I』vegotanidea!Youaregoingtorobthewedding,don』tyou?I』llgo
withyou..
B:Haveyougotanyexperience?
J:No.ButI』vegotthis!(J脫下鞋子從裡面摸出一張支票，上書＄1，000，000)

Act5

(轉眼已到了婚禮之期．MS意氣風發用紅綢牽著新娘上，J蓋著紅蓋頭極不情願地被拉上台)
(J和三強盜躍至台中)
ABC&J:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!
A:Theroadisbuiltbyme!
B:AndIplantedonetree.
C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---
J:Giveusallyourmoney!
(L聽到J的聲音，掀起了蓋頭)
L(驚喜萬分):Johnny!(不顧一切地飛奔到J的身邊並躲到了的身後)
(MS大怒，揮拳向J打來．J矮身一躲，MS打中了J身後的L，L暈倒)
J(火冒三丈):Howdareyoubeatmywife!（揮拳向MS沖去）
(J與MS混戰，JM上，以拐杖擊暈MS)
(J將MS胸前的新郎標志扯下戴在自己胸前)
J(扶起L，關切地問):Honey,howareyou?
L(哭狀):Ihurtalot!
J:Don』tcrybaby.I』llgoandfetchthemedicine. (下)
L(起身去追):Waitforme! (跑下)
(音樂起 CanYouCelebrate)

A man took a pair of shoes to a shoe repair shop and said to the shoemaker, "I'd like you to repair these shoes for me, please."

"Certainly, sir," the shoemaker said.

"When will they be ready?" the man asked.

"I'm a bit busy, but they'll probably be ready for you on Thursday," he said.

"That's fine," the man said, and left the shop.

The next morning he received a letter, offering him a job in another country. Within 24 hors he was on an airplane to his new job.

Twenty years passed and he returned to his hometown.

He remembered his shoes.

"They were a good pair of shoes," he thought. "I wonderif the shoemaker is still there and still has them. I'll go and see."

He was pleased to see that the shoemaker was still in the same shop, although he was an old man by now.

"Good morning," he said to him. "Twenty years ago, Ibrought in a pair of shoes to be repaired. Do you think you've still got them?"

"Name?" the old shoemaker asked.

"Smith," the man said.

"I'll go and see. They may be out back."

The shoemaker went out to the back of his shop and a few minutes later returned, carrying the pair of shoes.

"Here we are," he said. "One pair of brown shoes to be repaired. I'm a bit busy now but they'll probably be ready on Thursday

Ⅳ 英語幽默小品

《孔雀東南飛》英語劇本，搞笑版的孔雀東南飛故事。

Wanderseveryfivemiles
焦仲卿Johnny(Jforshort)劉蘭芝Lunch(Lforshort)
焦母Johnny』smother(JMforshort)劉母Lunch』smother(LMforshort)
太守之子Mayor』sson(MSforshort)強盜Burglars(ABandC)

Prologue本文轉自：www.coffbar.com小品劇本，簡歷封面，免費電影

(J作被打狀跑上台,內砸出一卷紙筒,J被打中,狼狽不堪)
J:EverybodysaysthatI』mhenpecked,butinfact,I』masstrongasatiger,(小聲)whilemy
wifeisWuSong.
(指著上台處的門大聲道)I』mnotafraidofyou!
(內砸出一臉盆,J接住當成盾牌護著頭)Then,I』mafraidofwhom?
-hood.Sheisbraverthanme,
.AllthisIdonotcare.Ionlywanthertobetender
thanme.Butsheisnot!!
(內又砸出一卷紙筒,擊中J)
MyGod!Whocanhelpme?(下)

Act1
(序幕結束時,JM作竊聽狀)
JM(拄拐棍上):Ican!
(對門內)Lunch!Lunch!Whereareyou?
L(扎著圍裙,拿著鍋鏟,從門內跳出來):I』mhere!What』supmum?
JM:I』「mymostbeautifulgracefuland
dearestmother-in-law」.
L:OK.-in-law,what』sup?
JM:.Youhavebeensorude,sobrusque,so
lazy……
L:But……
JM:Neverinterruptme!
L:Neverinterruptme!SinceImarriedyourson,thatterribleJohnny,Ihavebeenworkinghardall
daylong,cookingandwashing.
and……
JM:!
L(生氣地揮動著鍋鏟):Oh,youwantagrandson,don』tyou?(開始解圍裙)Goandaskyour
son.I』mleaving!(扯下圍裙,扔在JM的臉上,下)

Act2
(LM坐在台上打毛線,L拿著鍋鏟上)
L:Mum,I』mback!
LM:Youareback?Why?Whathappened?
L:–in-law.
LM(驚訝,但隨即露出幸災樂禍的神情):See!Ihavealreadytoldyou!Whenyouinsistedon
marryingthatterribleJohnny,,butyoudidnotlisten
tome.Lookatyourself……
L:But,mum……
LM:Neverinterruptme!
L:Mum,I』mnotinterruptingyou.?And
I』llmarrywhomeveryouwantmeto.
LM(大喜):Nicegirl!Justnow,Imetthemayor』ssoninthemarket.Hesaid:「Ifyoudaughter
Haven』tbeenmarried,Ireallyreallywanttomarryher!」Nowyouarefreeagain,I』llgo
andtellhim.(下)
L(驚愕):What?Themayor』sson?-hood?(手中的鍋
鏟掉在地上)WhatasillythingIhavedone!(下)

Act3本文轉自：www.coffbar.com小品劇本，簡歷封面，免費電影

(J睡眼惺忪上)
J(邊走邊道):Lunch!Lunch!Wherearemysocks?
(走了幾步,在地上撿起襪子)Heretheyare!(聞一下) Er!Howsmelly!Theyarestilldirty!
(突然想起)Lunchhasgone!Ihavetowashthemmyself.
(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起來)Oh,I』msohungry!Butthere』snobreakfast!(撿起地上的圍
裙)ThisiswhatLunchalwayswears!Imisshersomuch,andherexcellentcookingskill!Now
shehasgone..
JM(上):Where』smybreakfast?Where』sLunch?Hasn』tshegotupyet?
J:Mum,can』tyouremember?Lunchhasgone!
JM(沉吟片刻):Well,totellyouthetruthJohnny,asonwithoutawifeisuseless.Lunchisanice
girl,goandtakeherback!
J(立正敬禮):Yesmadam!

Act4
(J開心地走著，忽然跳出來三個強盜)
A:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!
Theroadisbuiltbyme!(抬腳重重地踩在一塊大石頭上)
B:AndIplantedonetree!(亦抬腳踩在同一塊石頭上)
C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---(欲踩石頭，但踩到了A的腳)
AB&C:Giveusallyourmoney!
J(搜遍了每一個口袋，掏出1角硬幣):Is1maoenough?
(三強盜暈倒狀，接著三人聚在一邊商量)
A:Whatbadluck!Thisguyisbroken!
B:Ifwecannotrobanymoneytoday,wewillhavenothingtoeattonight!
C:Iheardthatthemayor』.WEcangoand
robthewedding!
A&B:Goodidea!
J(驚訝):What?What?Lunchisgoingtogetmarried?It』simpossible!
AB&C:Why?Aprettygirlandarichman,whatagoodcouple!
J:ButLunchismywife!Wehaven』tgotdivorcedyet!
(突然有了主意)I』vegotanidea!Youaregoingtorobthewedding,don』tyou?I』llgo
withyou..
B:Haveyougotanyexperience?
J:No.ButI』vegotthis!(J脫下鞋子從裡面摸出一張支票，上書＄1，000，000)

Act5本文轉自：www.coffbar.com小品劇本，簡歷封面，免費電影

(轉眼已到了婚禮之期．MS意氣風發用紅綢牽著新娘上，J蓋著紅蓋頭極不情願地被拉上台)
(J和三強盜躍至台中)
ABC&J:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!
A:Theroadisbuiltbyme!
B:AndIplantedonetree.
C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---
J:Giveusallyourmoney!
(L聽到J的聲音，掀起了蓋頭)
L(驚喜萬分):Johnny!(不顧一切地飛奔到J的身邊並躲到了的身後)
(MS大怒，揮拳向J打來．J矮身一躲，MS打中了J身後的L，L暈倒)
J(火冒三丈):Howdareyoubeatmywife!（揮拳向MS沖去）
(J與MS混戰，JM上，以拐杖擊暈MS)
(J將MS胸前的新郎標志扯下戴在自己胸前)
J(扶起L，關切地問):Honey,howareyou?
L(哭狀):Ihurtalot!
J:Don』tcrybaby.I』llgoandfetchthemedicine. (下)
L(起身去追):Waitforme! (跑下)
(音樂起 CanYouCelebrate)

the end

本篇文章來源於 中國相聲泡泡網 原文鏈接：http://www.xspop.cn/xp/6/3/2008-04-24/58515.html

Ⅵ 搞笑簡短的英語小品

The little girl liked wearing a red coat. So everybody called her Little Red Coat.One day, her grandma had a cold. Her mother said to Little Red Coat, 「my dear, send some bananas and cakes to your grandma.」As she walked through the forest, a wolf saw her, 「Hello, litter girl. Where are you going?」「I』m going to my grandma』s house. She has got a cold.」 Said Little Red Coat.「Where does she live?」 asked the wolf.「She lives in the house near the forest. There are some big trees in front of her house.」 Said Little Red Coat. 「Bye-bye, little girl.」 The wolf ran to the grandma』s house.Grandma asked, 「Who is it?」「It』s me, Little Red Coat.」 said the wolf.「Come in, please.」The big wolf opened the door and walked into the room. He ate Grandma up.He put on Grandma』s coat and trousers. Then he lay in bed.Little Red Coat walked into her grandma』s room. 「What big eyes you have got, Grandma!」 she said.「Because I want to see your pretty face.」said the wolf.「What a big mouth you have got, Grandma!」she said.「Because I want to eat you, my dear.」said the wolf.「Oh, no!」cried the little girl.The bad wolf ate Little Red Coat, too.The wolf was sleeping on Grandma』s bed.At this time, a hunter came and saw the wolf. 「What a big stomach he has got! Grandma must be in his stomach.」thought the hunter.The hunter cut open the wolf. Grandma and Little Red Coat were still alive. They jumped out of the wolf.Grandma and Little Red Coat were very happy. 「Thank you.」they said to the hunter.
幫你沾來的，呵呵

Ⅶ 英語小品劇本 要搞笑點的3、4分鍾左右 急用最好帶有教育性的

Characters: Narrator(N), Salesman(S), Dad(D), Maggie(M), Alice(A), Candy(C), Policeman(P)
Preparation: 學校布景，做糖果用桌及相關材料，小販家布景

Scene1（At Salesman』s home）

N: In a dark dirty house, there lived a small, dirty salesman. He always makes unhealthy candies and sells them to the students. He has a lot of money now. But how does he make the candies? Oh, xu …… He is coming!
S: Hello, do you know me? No? Oh, let me tell you .I』m the famous candy salesman at the school gate. My candies are very popular,(展示)，I don』t know why. The foolish students always come here. I』ll be a boss soon! Candy, money, candy, money……
Oops! It』s time to make candies now.(看錶)
First, put the flour on the table.
Then, water, sugar, flour.(邊說邊做)
Now press, press……
Oh, my dirty hands! Never mind! Just do it!(滿不在意的神情)
Press, press……
Oh, my god!(鼻涕)Never mind! Just do it!
Press, press, the children will not know it , it』s OK,hehehe……
Now let me cut it into pieces!
One, two, three, four, five……（用臟菜刀）
Wow, everything is ready!
糖果鑽出來（跳舞），跳完後，非常難過地說：Oh, I』m so dirty and ugly! What can I do? The students will eat me! And they will be ill! Wuwuwu…
S: Mmmm…It looks dirty, let me give you a nice coat! (給它穿上) Wow! Now it』s so beautiful! Haha……
C: Oh, no! Don』t sell me! I』m dirty!(拖糖果下場)

Scene2（At the school gate）

N: The next day, when the class is over, all the students come out happily and the salesman goes to the school gate as usual. （Maggie和Alice 歡快地跑出校門，看到小販）
(小販拉著糖上場，吆喝)：Candies! Candies! Sweet candies! ……
M: Oh, Alice! Look! Candies!
A: Yeah! I think they are yummy!
M: Let』s ask him.
A: OK!
C: Don』t buy me！（非常焦急）
M&A: Why?
C: I』m dirty！
M: No, you look nice!
C: What can I do? (面向觀眾) Wuwuwu…(小販將她拉在後面)
S: Candies! Candies!（引誘兩個女孩）
M&A: How much are they?
S: Do you have money?（輕蔑）
M&A: Money?(對視)

M:Oh, I』ve no money!（失落之極）
A: Me too.
S: No money? So sorry!(吆喝著走開，下場)
M: What can we do now?
A: Let』s ask dad for money.

Ⅷ 英語搞笑小品

中小學英語劇本文章列表
[中小學英語劇本]龜兔賽跑 佚名 12-06
[中小學英語劇本]Pull up the turnip 佚名 12-06
[中小學英語劇本]遠 離 網 吧Keep Away From the Net 佚名 12-06
[中小學英語劇本]The Ugly Duckling 佚名 12-06
[中小學英語劇本]《白雪公主》英語童話劇 佚名 09-18
[中小學英語劇本]AprilFool'sDay 佚名 04-03
[中小學英語劇本]瑪菲女兒《吐蕃來使求娶文成公主》（獨幕劇） 小嗎啡（… 12-08
[中小學英語劇本]英語短劇： The Tortoise and the Hare（龜兔賽跑） 尚麗娟（… 11-27
[中小學英語劇本]英語短劇：The Fox and the Tiger（狐假虎威） 尚麗娟（… 11-27
[中小學英語劇本]英語童話劇：白雪公主<劇本> 佚名 11-27
[中小學英語劇本]兒童英語劇本Little Red coat 佚名 11-27
[中小學英語劇本]英語表演劇本--小獅子找食物 佚名 11-27
[中小學英語劇本]英語小品劇本-----小紅帽 佚名 11-27
[中小學英語劇本]英文小品The Ants and the Picnic 佚名 11-10
[中小學英語劇本]Jungle Story 張宇 11-10
[中小學英語劇本]The Three Bears 張宇 11-10
[中小學英語劇本]Little Red Riding Hood 張宇 11-10
[中小學英語劇本]Cinderella 張宇 11-10
[中小學英語劇本]Little Duck 佚名 11-10
http://www.coffbar.com/Article/midpre/midpren/Index.html