英語幽默小故事
『壹』 英語幽默小故事
Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
醉酒
一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個孩子正處於那種對什麼事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發問道：「爸爸，『醉』字是什麼意思？」 「唔，孩子，」父親回答說，「你瞧那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那麼我就算醉了。」 「可是，爸爸， 」孩子說，「那兒只有一個警察呀！」
『貳』 英語幽默小故事
Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?"
兩個獵人進森林裡打獵，其中一個獵人不慎跌倒，兩眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。另一個獵人趕緊拿出手機撥通緊急求助電話。接線員沉著地說：「第一步，要先確定你的朋友已經死亡。」於是，接線員在電話里聽到一聲槍響，然後聽到那獵人接著問：「第二步怎辦？」
『叄』 英語幽默小故事50詞左右
The Thirsty Pigeon口渴的鴿子
A PIGEON, oppressed by excessive thirst, saw a goblet of water painted on a signboard. Not supposing it to be only a picture, she flew towards it with a loud whir and unwittingly dashed against the signboard, jarring herself terribly. Having broken her wings by the blow, she fell to the ground, and was caught by one of the bystanders.
Zeal should not outrun discretion.
有隻鴿子口渴得很難受，看見畫板上畫著一個水瓶，以為是真的。他立刻呼呼地猛飛過 去，不料一頭碰撞在畫板上，折斷了翅膀，摔在地上，被人輕易地捉住了。
這是說，有些人想急於得到所需的東西，一時沖動，草率從事，就會身遭不幸。
The Raven and the Swan烏鴉和天鵝
A RAVEN saw a Swan and desired to secure for himself the same beautiful plumage. Supposing that the Swan's splendid white color arose from his washing in the water in which he swam, the Raven left the altars in the neighborhood where he picked up his living, and took up residence in the lakes and pools. But cleansing his feathers as often as he would, he could not change their color, while through want of food he perished.
Change of habit cannot alter Nature.
烏鴉非常羨慕天鵝潔白的羽毛。他猜想天鵝一定是經常洗澡，羽毛才變得如此潔白無 瑕。於是，他毅然離開了他賴以生存的祭壇，來到江湖邊。他天天洗刷自己的羽毛，不但一 點都沒洗白，反而因缺少食物飢餓而死。
這故事是說，人的本性不會隨著生活方式的改變而改變。
The Goat and the Goatherd 山羊與牧羊人
A GOATHERD had sought to bring back a stray goat to his flock. He whistled and sounded his horn in vain; the straggler paid no attention to the summons. At last the Goatherd threw a stone, and breaking its horn, begged the Goat not to tell his master. The Goat replied, "Why, you silly fellow, the horn will speak though I be silent."
Do not attempt to hide things which cannot be hid.
很多山羊被牧羊人趕到羊圈裡。有一隻山羊不知在吃什麼好東西，單獨落在後面。牧羊 人拿起一塊石頭扔了過去，正巧打斷了山羊的一隻角。牧羊人嚇得請求山羊不要告訴主人， 山羊說：「即使我不說，又怎能隱瞞下去呢？我的角已斷了，這是十分明顯的事實。」
這故事說明，明顯的罪狀是無法隱瞞的。
The Miser守財奴
A MISER sold all that he had and bought a lump of gold, which he buried in a hole in the ground by the side of an old wall and went to look at daily. One of his workmen observed his frequent visits to the spot and decided to watch his movements. He soon discovered the secret of the hidden treasure, and digging down, came to the lump of gold, and stole it. The Miser, on his next visit, found the hole empty and began to tear his hair and to make loud lamentations. A neighbor, seeing him overcome with grief and learning the cause, said, "Pray do not grieve so; but go and take a stone, and place it in the hole, and fancy that the gold is still lying there. It will do you quite the same service; for when the gold was there, you had it not, as you did not make the slightest use of it."
有個守財奴變賣了他所有的家產，換回了金塊，並秘密地埋在一個地方。他每天走去看 看他的寶藏。有個在附近放羊的牧人留心觀察，知道了真情，趁他走後，挖出金塊拿走了。 守財奴再來時，發現洞中的金塊沒有了，便捶胸痛哭。有個人見他如此悲痛，問明原因後， 說道：「喂，朋友，別再難過了，那塊金子雖是你買來的，但並不是你真正擁有的。去拿一 塊石頭來，代替金塊放在洞里，只要你心裡想著那是塊金子，你就會很高興。這樣與你擁有 真正的金塊效果沒什麼不同。依我之見，你擁有那金塊時，也從沒用過。」
這故事說明，一切財物如不使用等於沒有。
The Wolf and the Lamb 狼與小羊
WOLF, meeting with a Lamb astray from the fold, resolved not to lay violent hands on him, but to find some plea to justify to the Lamb the Wolf's right to eat him. He thus addressed him:"Sirrah, last year you grossly insulted me." "Indeed," bleated the Lamb in a mournful tone of voice, "I was not then born." Then said the Wolf , "You feed in my pasture." "No, good sir," replied the Lamb, "I have not yet tasted grass." Again said the Wolf, "You drink of my well." "No," exclaimed the Lamb, "I never yet drank water, for as yet my mother's milk is both food and drink to me." Upon which the Wolf seized him and ate him up, saying, "Well! I won't remain supperless, even though you refute every one of my imputations."
The tyrant will always find a pretext for his tyranny.
一隻小羊在河邊喝水，狼見到後，便想找一個名正言順的借口吃掉他。於是他跑到上游，惡狠狠地說小羊把河水攪渾濁了，使他喝不到清水。小羊回答說，他僅僅站在河邊喝水，並且又在下游，根本不可能把上游的水攪渾。狼見此計不成，又說道：「我父親去年被你罵過。」小羊說，那時他還沒有出生。狼對他說：「不管你怎樣辯解，反正我不會放過 你。」
這說明，對惡人做任何正當的辯解也是無效的。
The Bat and the Weasels蝙蝠與黃鼠狼
A BAT who fell upon the ground and was caught by a Weasel pleaded to be spared his life. The Weasel refused, saying that he was by nature the enemy of all birds. The Bat assured him that he was not a bird, but a mouse, and thus was set free. Shortly afterwards the Bat again fell to the ground and was caught by another Weasel, whom he likewise entreated not to eat him. The Weasel said that he had a special hostility to mice. The Bat assured him that he was not a mouse, but a bat, and thus a second time escaped.
It is wise to turn circumstances to good account.
蝙蝠掉落在地上，被黃鼠狼叼去，他請求饒命。黃鼠狼說絕不會放過他，自己生來痛恨鳥類。蝙蝠說他是老鼠，不是鳥，便被放了。後來蝙蝠又掉落了下來，被另一隻黃鼠狼叼住，他再三請求不要吃他。這只黃鼠狼說他恨一切鼠類。蝙蝠改口說自己是鳥類，並非老 鼠，又被放了。這樣，蝙蝠兩次改變了自己的名字，終於死裡逃生。
這故事說明，我們遇事要隨機應變方能避免危險。
The Ass and the Grasshopper 驢子與蚱蜢
AN ASS having heard some Grasshoppers chirping, was highly enchanted; and, desiring to possess the same charms of melody, demanded what sort of food they lived on to give them such beautiful voices. They replied, "The dew." The Ass resolved that he would live only upon dew, and in a short time died of hunger.
驢子聽見蚱蜢唱歌，被美妙動聽的歌聲所打動，自己也想能發出同樣悅耳動聽的聲音，便 羨慕地問他們吃些什麼，才能發出如此美妙的聲音來。蚱蜢答道：「吃露水。」驢子便也只吃露水，沒多久就餓死了。
這個故事告訴人們不要企望非份之物。
The Lion and the Mouse 獅子與報恩的老鼠
A LION was awakened from sleep by a Mouse running over his face. Rising up angrily, he caught him and was about to kill him, when the Mouse piteously entreated, saying: "If you would only spare my life, I would be sure to repay your kindness." The Lion laughed and let him go. It happened shortly after this that the Lion was caught by some hunters, who bound him by strong ropes to the ground. The Mouse, recognizing his roar, came and gnawed the rope with his teeth and set him free, exclaiming:
"You ridiculed the idea of my ever being able to help you, expecting to receive from me any repayment of your favor; now you know that it is possible for even a Mouse to con benefits on a Lion."
獅子睡著了，有隻老鼠跳到了他身上。獅子猛然站起來，把他抓住，准備吃掉。老鼠請求饒命，並說如果保住性命，必將報恩，獅子輕蔑地笑了笑，便把他放走了。不久，獅子真的被老鼠救了性命。原來獅子被一個獵人抓獲，並用繩索把他捆在一棵樹上。老鼠聽到了他 的哀嚎，走過去咬斷繩索，放走了獅子，並說：
「你當時嘲笑我，不相信能得到我的報答， 現在可清楚了，老鼠也能報恩。」 這故事說明，時運交替變更，強者也會有需要弱者的時候。
『肆』 關於三分鍾英語幽默小故事有哪些
Five Months Older
The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.
But John『s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy『s family name, so when he saw John『s papers, he was surprised.
"How old are you?" he said.
"Eighteen, sir," said John.
"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"
"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."
大五個月
第二次世界大戰開始了，約翰想參軍，可他只有十六歲，當時規定男孩到十八歲才能入伍。所以軍醫給他進行體檢時，他說他已經十八歲了。
可約翰的哥哥剛入伍沒幾天，而且也是這個軍醫給他做的檢查。這位醫生還記得他哥哥的姓。所以當他看到約翰的表格時，感到非常驚奇。
「你多大了?」軍醫問。
「十八，長官。」約翰說。
「可你的哥哥也是十八歲，你們是雙胞胎嗎?」
約翰臉紅了，說：「哦，不是，長官，我哥哥比我大五個月。」
『伍』 短小幽默的英語小故事有哪些
短小幽默的英語小故事
1.Lady First 女士優先
A teacher asked her class: "Is the sentence ' The ox and
the cow are in the fields' correct?" Most of the children said: "Yes, it is all
right!" And only one little boy said: "No, it is not correct. The lady must be
mentioned first."
女士優先
一位老師問班上的學生：」公牛和母牛在田裡「這個句子對嗎？」 大多數學生回答說：「對，一點不錯。」
只有一個小男孩說：「不對，應該先說女士。」
2.Where is the egg?
Teacher:Can you make a sentence with the word "egg"?
Student:Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday.
Teacher:Then where is the 「egg"?
Student:In the cake,Sir.
雞蛋在哪裡？
老師：你能用「雞蛋」一詞造句嗎？
學生：可以。我昨天吃了一塊蛋糕。
老師：「雞蛋」在哪？
學生：在蛋糕里，先生。
『陸』 英語幽默小故事10-20字
警察：你幹嘛總是把手插在口袋裡？小偷：我只能這么做。要是我不把手插在我自內己的口袋裡，那麼就會容伸進別人的口袋.
Policeman: why do you always keep your hands in your pockets? Thief: I have to. If I don't hand in my pocket, they will go into
other people's
10-20字啊，我符合，求採納
『柒』 英語幽默小故事50字左右（帶翻譯）
Q: Why won』t the elephant use the computer?
為什麼大象不玩電腦？
A: He』s afraid of the mouse!
他害怕老鼠！
滑鼠和老鼠的英文皆為mouse。
mouse [maʊs]n. 滑鼠；老鼠；膽小羞怯的人
2.A much worried patiant walked into the doctor's office and asked for help。
"Doctor, I don't know what to do. I accidentally drank a bottle of gasoline yesterday."
"Oh, don't worry! All you have to remember is not to smoke in the next few days." The doctor said.
一位很焦急的病人走到醫生辦公室尋求幫助。
「醫生，我不知道該怎麼辦。昨天我不小心喝下了一瓶汽油。」
「哦，不用擔心。你一定要牢記未來幾天不要吸煙就行了。」醫生說。
3.A man was hit by a cab in the street.
He was brought to the hospital.
His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill."
"I am afraid that he is dead."said the doctor,
Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive."
"Be quiet, "said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"
一個男人在街上被計程車撞倒送進了醫院.
他的妻子站在他的床前對醫生說:"我想他傷得很厲害."
醫生說:"我怕他已經死了."
聽到醫生的話,這個男人轉動著頭說:"我沒死,我還活著."
妻子說:"安靜,醫生比你懂得多."
4.A man goes to church and starts talking to God.
He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?"
And God says: "A penny".
Then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?"
And God says: "a second",
Then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?"
And God says "In a second".
一男子進入教堂和上帝對話.
他問:"主啊, 一百萬美元對你意味著多少?"
上帝回答:"一便士."
男子又問:"那一百萬年呢?"
上帝說:"一秒鍾."
最後男子請求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士嗎?"
上帝回答:"過一秒鍾."
5.Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny?
Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
湯姆：約翰尼，你小弟弟好嗎？
約翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了傷。
湯姆：真糟糕，怎麼回事兒？
約翰尼：我們做游戲，看誰能把身子探出窗外最遠，他贏了。
6.Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流著血回到家裡。他媽媽問，「發生了什麼事？」
「一個男孩咬了我一口，」伊凡說。
「再見到他你能認出來嗎？」媽媽問。
「他走到哪裡我都能認出他，」伊凡說。「他的耳朵還在我衣兜里呢。」
『捌』 英語幽默小故事
你好，英語幽默小故事如下
Endearing terms
Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, "That is really nice, that after all these years that you have been married, and you keep calling your wife those pet names." Morris hung his head and whispered," To tell the truth, I forgot her name three years ago.
希望能夠幫到你，祝你生活愉快。