英語小故事幽默
Ⅰ 英語幽默小故事50字左右（帶翻譯）
Q: Why won』t the elephant use the computer?
為什麼大象不玩電腦？
A: He』s afraid of the mouse!
他害怕老鼠！
滑鼠和老鼠的英文皆為mouse。
mouse [maʊs]n. 滑鼠；老鼠；膽小羞怯的人
2.A much worried patiant walked into the doctor's office and asked for help。
"Doctor, I don't know what to do. I accidentally drank a bottle of gasoline yesterday."
"Oh, don't worry! All you have to remember is not to smoke in the next few days." The doctor said.
一位很焦急的病人走到醫生辦公室尋求幫助。
「醫生，我不知道該怎麼辦。昨天我不小心喝下了一瓶汽油。」
「哦，不用擔心。你一定要牢記未來幾天不要吸煙就行了。」醫生說。
3.A man was hit by a cab in the street.
He was brought to the hospital.
His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill."
"I am afraid that he is dead."said the doctor,
Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive."
"Be quiet, "said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"
一個男人在街上被計程車撞倒送進了醫院.
他的妻子站在他的床前對醫生說:"我想他傷得很厲害."
醫生說:"我怕他已經死了."
聽到醫生的話,這個男人轉動著頭說:"我沒死,我還活著."
妻子說:"安靜,醫生比你懂得多."
4.A man goes to church and starts talking to God.
He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?"
And God says: "A penny".
Then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?"
And God says: "a second",
Then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?"
And God says "In a second".
一男子進入教堂和上帝對話.
他問:"主啊, 一百萬美元對你意味著多少?"
上帝回答:"一便士."
男子又問:"那一百萬年呢?"
上帝說:"一秒鍾."
最後男子請求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士嗎?"
上帝回答:"過一秒鍾."
5.Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny?
Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
湯姆：約翰尼，你小弟弟好嗎？
約翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了傷。
湯姆：真糟糕，怎麼回事兒？
約翰尼：我們做游戲，看誰能把身子探出窗外最遠，他贏了。
6.Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流著血回到家裡。他媽媽問，「發生了什麼事？」
「一個男孩咬了我一口，」伊凡說。
「再見到他你能認出來嗎？」媽媽問。
「他走到哪裡我都能認出他，」伊凡說。「他的耳朵還在我衣兜里呢。」
Ⅱ 英語幽默小故事帶翻譯200字以上10篇
1. Midway Tactics
Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.
The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"
The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"
The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".
中間戰術
三個互相爭生意的商店老闆在一條商業街上租用了毗鄰的店鋪。旁觀者等著瞧好戲。
右邊的零售商掛起了巨大的招牌，上書：「大減價!」「特便宜!」
左邊的商店掛出了更大的招牌，聲稱：「大砍價!」「大折扣!」
中間的商人隨後准備了一個大招牌，上面只簡單地寫著：「入口處」。
2. Very Pleased to Meet You
During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.
One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I「m going abroad tomorrow, but I「d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.
Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.
Joan went there and said to the matron, "I「ve come to visit Captain Humphreys."
"Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.
"Oh, that「s all right," answered Joan. "I「m his sister."
"I「m very pleased to meet you," the matron said, "I「m his mother!"
在第二次世界大戰中，有許多年輕的婦女在軍營中服役。瓊.飛利浦斯是其中之一。她在一個大軍營中工作，當然遇到了許多男士，包括軍官和士兵。
一天晚上她在舞會上遇到了軍官漢弗雷斯。他對她說，"我明天就要出國，但如果我們能夠相互寫信，我會很高興。"瓊同意了，於是他們幾個月里一直通著信。
後來，他再沒有來信。她收到了另一個軍官的信，告訴她，他受傷了，住在英格蘭的某個部隊醫院里。
瓊到了醫院，她對護士長說，"我來看望軍官漢弗雷斯。"
"這里只有親屬可以探望病人。"護士長說。
"噢，是的，"瓊說，"我是他的妹妹。"
"很高興認識你，"護士長說，"我是他的母親。"
希望能幫助到您，望採納！
Ⅲ 英語小故事5分鍾幽默
arks of English wit that again need, certes, fea
Ⅳ 英文幽默小故事
Let me take it down
An elephant said to a mouse ,"no doubt that you are the smallest znd most useless thing that Ihave e ver seen ."
"Pless ,say it again .Let me take it down ."the mouse said ."I will tell a flea what I know."
為我所用
一頭大象對一隻小老鼠說：「你無疑是我見過的最小、最沒用的東西。」
「請再說一遍，讓我把它記下來。」老鼠說。「我要講給我認識的一隻跳蚤聽。
An old soldier often told his garden about his past war exploits.
"Once I met with a dozen enemy sol-diers and took them prisoners singlehand-ed."
"It was half a dozen enemy soldiers when you told me the story last year.But why have you added so many more this time?"
"You silly lad.You were younger last year,and I was afraid to frighten you."
While wisiting the cemetery,a sorrowful couple noticed a headstone,which read,"here lies a lawyer and a honest nan"."look at that",the woman said,"money's so tight they're putting then two in a grave."
Lawyer Jokes :
A man visiting a graveyard saw a tombstone that read, "Here lies John Kelly, a lawyer and an honest man." "How about that!" he exclaimed. "They've got three people buried in one grave."
__________________________________
These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and
now published by
court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while
these exchanges were actually taking place.
__________________________________
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he
woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
_________________________________
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
__________________________________
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
__________________________________
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
A:Nice to meet you.
B:Nice to meet you,too.
C:Nice to meet you,three.
An Artist
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.
"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman enquired about your work and
wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
An old soldier often told his garden about his past war exploits.
"Once I met with a dozen enemy sol-diers and took them prisoners singlehand-ed."
"It was half a dozen enemy soldiers when you told me the story last year.But why have you added so many more this time?"
"You silly lad.You were younger last year,and I was afraid to frighten you
BUYING A HAT
A lady went to a hat shop to buy a hat. As she was very fussy, it took her a long time to pick on one. Already at the end of his patience the salesman was afraid that she might change her mind again so he tried to flatter her: "An excellent choice, madam. You look at least ten years younger with this hat on!" To his dismay, the lady took off her hat at once and said: "I don't want a hat that makes me look ten years older as soon as I take it off. Show me some more hats!"
I'M NOT HAVING IT ALL CUT OFF.
Miles sometime went to the barber's ring working hours to have his hair cut. But this was against the office rules: clerks had to have their hair cut in their own time. While Miles was at the barber's one day, the manager of the office came in by chance to have his own hair cut and sat just beside him.
"Hello, Miles," the manager said. "I see that you are having your hair cut in office time."
"Yes, sir, I am," admitted Miles calmly. "You see, sir, it grows in office time."
"Not all of it," said the manager at once. "Some of it grows in your own time."
"Yes, sir, that's quite true." Answered Miles politely, "but I'm not having it all cut off."
But the teacher cried
The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled. His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum. Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.
When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.
"Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? did you cry?"
"Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"
The difference between men and women
Jock was driving up a steep, narrow, tortuous, Scottish mountain road. A woman was driving down the same road in the opposite direction.
As they pass each other the woman leant out the window and shouted: "PIG!!"
Jock immediately leant out his window and replied with "BITCH!!"
They each continue on their way, but as Jock rounded the next corner he ran into a pig in the middle of the road....
The Clock
Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven. As she stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
She asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said Hillary, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Theresa's. The hands have never moved indicating that she never told a lie."
"Whose clock is that?" "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice telling us that Abe only told 2 lies in his entire life."
"Where is Bill's clock?" Hillary asked.
"Bill's clock is in Jesus' office. He is using it as a ceiling fan."
One Engine Left
A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a result."
Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."
At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"
In the morning Mr.Smith comes into the garden at the back of his house. He sees much snow(雪) in the garden.Mr.Smith wants to take his car out, so he asks a man to clean the road from his garage(車庫)to the gate(大門). He says to the man,」Don't throw any snow on that side. It will damage(損壞) flowers in the street, or the policeman will come.」Then he goes out.
When he comes back, the road is clean.There is no snow on the flowers, on the wall or in the street. But when he open the garage, he sees the garage is full of snow(被雪充滿), the snow from the road, and his car is under the snow!
A beautiful young blonde woman boards a plane to LA with a ticket for the coach section. She looks at the seats in coach and then looks ahead to the first class seats. Seeing that the first class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty one. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in coach.
The blonde replies, "I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA."
Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the blonde problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in coach.
Again, the blonde replies, "I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA."
The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blonde with the co-pilot. The co-pilot says that he has a blonde girlfriend, and that he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and briefly whispers something into the blonde's ear.
She immediately gets up, says, "Thank you so much," hugs the co-pilot, and rushes back to her seat in the coach section. The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, together ask the co-pilot what he had said to the woman.
He replies, "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to LA."
英語幽默笑話：
一：She Didn"t Say Anything
A mother and son were washing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the room. Suddenly, there was a crash of breaking dishes, then complete silence.
The girl looked at her father and said, 「It was Mom」。
「How do you know?」 asked her father.
「She didn"t say anything.」
二：I Have Turned It Over
A woman said to her husband, 「dear, look at our sheet! It"s too dirty. Would you like to wash it now?」
The man looked at the sheet and then thought for a while and then said, 「I don"t think it"s necessary. We can turn the sheet over. Is that all right?」
三、40 over Li lotus heart disease arises suddenly, is escorted to the hospital first aid. The condition extremely too bad, the Li lotus felt oneself nearly all already died.
In the rescue, the Li lotus has heard God's sound suddenly: "You cannot die, you also may live for 45 years 6 months 02 days, has the courage to go on living!"
Certainly, the result was the Li lotus miracle is revived. After the body recovers, the Li lotus thought oneself also can live for more than 40 years, then □has anxiously is leaving the hospital, first repairs the face, then makes up the lip, then is the prosperous chest, finally is the thin abdomen, continuously has undergone 4 cosmetology surgeries altogether, then was called the specialized hair stylist to visit the service, changed has sent the color, has made the new tide hairstyle, the entire stature looked at □the young several years old.
After last the reshaping surgery completes, the Li lotus then happily handled left the hospital the procere, □thought actually the ambulance which rapidly 駛過 by 撞死 in the entrance.
After the heaven, the Li lotus has been angry interrogates God: "Since you had said I also may live for 45 years, then you should not eat the word."
God awkwardly 聳了聳肩, replies: "Really is sorry, at that time, the vehicle hit when you... ... I have not recognized am you."
英語笑話這裡面有的，可以看看：
http://www.sxuu.com/loveu/Article/english/yyxx/200508/22000.html
英語幽默
雙關歇後語：）~
http://www.sxszjzx.com/~t207/wht_2.htm
Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?
Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".
老師:為什麼你每天早晨都遲到?
湯姆:每當我經過學校的拐角處,僦看見一個牌子仩寫著"學校----慢行".
Do You Know My Work？
One night a hotel caught fire， and the people who were staying in it ran out in their night clothes．
Two men stood outside and looked at the fire．
「Before I came out，」 said one，「I ran into some of the rooms and found a lot of money． People don't think of money when they're afraid． When anyone leaves paper money in a fire， the fire burns it． So I took all the bills that I could find．No one will be poorer because I took them．」
「You don't know my work，」 said the other．
「What is your work？」
「I'm a policeman．
「Oh！」 cried the first man． He thought quickly and said，「And do you know my work？」「No，」said the policeman．
「I'm a writer． I'm always telling stories about things that never happened．」
譯文：（自己簡單翻譯）
你知道我是干什麼的嗎？
一天晚上，一家旅館失火，住在這家旅館里的人穿著睡 衣就跑了出來。
兩個人站在外面，看著大火。
「在我出來之前，」其中一個說：「我跑進一些房間，找到了一大筆錢。人在恐懼中是不會想到錢的。如果有人把紙幣留在火里，火就會把它燒成灰燼。所以我把我所能找到的鈔票都拿走了。沒有人會因為我拿走它們而變得更窮。」
「你不知道我是干什麼的。」另一個說。
「你是干什麼的？」
「我是警察。」
「噢！」第一個人喊了一聲。他靈機一動，說：「那你知道我是干什麼的？」「不知道。」警察說。
「我是個作家。我總是愛編一些從未發生過的故事。」
Who is the laziest
Father:Well,Jack,I talked with your teacher today .And now I want to ask you a question ,Who is the laziest person inyour class ?
Jack:I don`t know ,father.
Father:Oh,think!When other boys and girls are reading and wirting ,who sits quietly and only watch how other people word?
Jack:Our teacher ,father.
更多的請點擊參考資料鏈接。
謝謝！
參考資料：http://..com/q?word=%D3%A2%CE%C4%D0%A6%BB%B0&ct=17&pn=0&tn=ikaslist&rn=10
Ⅳ 幽默英語小故事
Big Head
「All the kids make fun of me」the boy cried to his mother.「They say I have a big head」
「Don't listen to them.」his mother comforted him.「You have a beautiful head .Now stop crying and go to the store for ten pounds of potatoes」
「Where's the shopping bag?」
「I haven't got one,use your hat.」
大腦袋
「所有的孩子都拿我開玩笑，」小男孩哭著跟媽媽說：「他們說我長了一個大腦袋。」
「別聽他們的，」他媽媽安慰說：「你的腦袋長得很漂亮。好了，別哭了，去商店買10磅土豆來。」
「購物袋在哪？」
「我沒有購物袋，就用你的帽子吧。」
Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
「昨天給你的錢干什麼了？」
「我給了一個可憐的老太婆，」他回答說。 「你真是個好孩子，」媽媽驕傲地說。「再給你兩分錢。可你為什麼對那位老太太那麼感興趣呢？」
「她是個賣糖果的。」
Where is the father?
Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."
父親在哪兒？
兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫。
「看，」哥哥說，「這些畫多漂亮呀！」
「是啊，」弟弟說道，「可是在所有這些畫中，只有媽媽和孩子。那爸爸去哪兒了呢？」
哥哥想了會兒，然後解釋道：「很明顯，他當時正在畫這些畫唄。」
Ⅵ 英語幽默小故事有哪些
He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他贏了
湯姆：約翰尼，你小弟弟好嗎？
約翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了傷。
湯姆：真糟糕，怎麼回事兒？
約翰尼：我們做游戲，看誰能把身子探出窗外最遠，他贏了。
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流著血回到家裡。他媽媽問，「發生了什麼事？」
「一個男孩咬了我一口，」伊凡說。
「再見到他你能認出來嗎？」媽媽問。
「他走到哪裡我都能認出他，」伊凡說。「他的耳朵還在我衣兜里呢。」
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
「昨天給你的錢干什麼了？」
「我給了一個可憐的老太婆，」他回答說。 「你真是個好孩子，」媽媽驕傲地說。「再給你兩分錢。可你為什麼對那位老太太那麼感興趣呢？」
「她是個賣糖果的。」
Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
醉酒
一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個孩子正處於那種對什麼事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發問道：「爸爸，『醉』字是什麼意思？」 「唔，孩子，」父親回答說，「你瞧那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那麼我就算醉了。」 「可是，爸爸， 」孩子說，「那兒只有一個警察呀！」
Hospitality
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
好客
由於客人在吃蘋果餡餅時，家裡沒有乳酪了，於是女主人向大家表示歉意。這家的小男孩悄悄地離開了屋子。過了一會兒，他拿著一片乳酪回到房間，把乳酪放在客人的盤子里。 客人微笑著把乳酪放進嘴裡說：「孩子，你的眼睛就是比你媽媽的好。你在哪裡找到的乳酪？」 「在捕鼠夾上，先生。」那小男孩說。
英語小笑話
上個星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一個老美看到就笑我說, "Do you
know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著
性, 縮寫正好是 Adidas) " 我正驚訝他怎麼反應這么快, 聯想力這么豐富時,旁邊的
一個老美幫我解圍, 他說, 有一個很著名的合唱團 Korn, 他們的招牌歌之一就是
A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,這個典故可是很多老美都耳熟
能詳的喔! 下次就換你去取笑老美了.
A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"
一男子進入教堂和上帝對話.他問:"主啊, 一百萬美元對你意味著多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又問:"且話僂蚰昴?"上帝說:"一秒鍾."最後男子請求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士嗎?"上帝回答:"過一秒鍾."
Ⅶ 短小幽默的英語小故事有哪些
短小幽默的英語小故事
1.Lady First 女士優先
A teacher asked her class: "Is the sentence ' The ox and
the cow are in the fields' correct?" Most of the children said: "Yes, it is all
right!" And only one little boy said: "No, it is not correct. The lady must be
mentioned first."
女士優先
一位老師問班上的學生：」公牛和母牛在田裡「這個句子對嗎？」 大多數學生回答說：「對，一點不錯。」
只有一個小男孩說：「不對，應該先說女士。」
2.Where is the egg?
Teacher:Can you make a sentence with the word "egg"?
Student:Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday.
Teacher:Then where is the 「egg"?
Student:In the cake,Sir.
雞蛋在哪裡？
老師：你能用「雞蛋」一詞造句嗎？
學生：可以。我昨天吃了一塊蛋糕。
老師：「雞蛋」在哪？
學生：在蛋糕里，先生。
Ⅷ 英語幽默小故事，要帶翻譯，3-4分鍾。
Who is Stupid?
A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you''re stupid, stand up!"
Little Johnny then stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you''re stupid, Johnny?"
"No, ma''am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
誰愚蠢
一個老師在對學生們講心理學，「誰認為自己蠢就站起來？」她一開始就說。
小約翰尼站了起來。
「你認為你很蠢嗎，小約翰尼？」老師問。
「不是的，老師，我只是不喜歡看你一個人站著。」
gsgongwm 2008-12-22 11:24:10
A father said to his sons: "Tomorrow your mother is going to bake a pie. Who is going to eat it?"
The oldest son replied: "Father, I'll eat it all!"
The father then said: "Tomorrow I'm going to butcher a pig. Who is going to eat it?"
The same son answered: "Father,I'll eat it all!"
The father added: "Tomorrow, we are going to plough the field. Who is going to plough?"
The oldest son answered again: "It's always me, always me. Now it's someone else's turn to volunteer!"
總是我
一位父親對他的兒子們說：「你們的媽媽明天要烙一張餡餅，誰要吃呢？」
大兒子說：「爸爸，我要把它都吃了。」
父親接著說：「明天我要殺一口豬，誰要吃呢？」
又是大兒子說：「爸爸，我要把它都吃了。」
父親又說：「明天我們要耕地，誰想耕地呢？」
大兒子再次回答道：「總是我，總是我，這次還是讓其他人來做吧。」
2
Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth.
Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction.
Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office.
昂貴的代價
牙科醫生：對不起，夫人，為給您的兒子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。
母親：二十五美元！可是我知道您拔一顆牙只要五美元呀？
牙科醫生：是的。但是您兒子這么大聲地叫喚，他都嚇跑四位病人了。
3
A child on Christmas time asked for some paper and crayons in order to draw a crib. Eventually the artistic masterpiece was displayed for parental approval. The manager, the shepherds, Jesus and Holy Family wore ly admired.
"But what/'s that in the corner?" asked Mother.
"Oh, that/'s their telly," replied the tot.
耶穌的電視機
聖誕節時孩子要了紙和蠟筆，想畫一張耶穌誕生像。最後這件藝術品被陳列出來供父母鑒賞。
他們對耶穌誕生後睡的馬槽，牧羊人，耶穌及其家庭都逐一表示贊賞。
「可是那個角落裡是什麼？」媽媽問。
「噢，那是他們的電視機，」孩子回答說。
4
調查員:What is your father's name？
小弟:Happy！！
調查員:What is your mother's name？
小弟:Smile！
調查員:Are you joking？
小弟:No！！That's my sister！！ I am Kidding！！
5
業余工作
When my son was a hign-school sophomore, he got a part-time job sacking groceries at a supermarket. He came home all smiles.
"How was your first day?" I asked.
"It was great, Dad," he replied. "I got to talk to some good-looking girls."
Since Stephen is not very talkative, I asked, "What did you say to them?"
"Do you prefer paper or plastic?" 。
鑰匙還是接吻
A friend of mine was giving an English lesson to a class of alt who had recently come to live in the United States. After placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he asked various members of the class to give him the ruler, the book, the pen and so on. The class went very smoothly and the students seemed interested and serious about the work that they were engaged in until when my friend turned to an Italian student and said, "Give me the keys." The man looked surprised and somewhat at a loss. Seeing this, my friend thought that the student hadn't heard him clearly, so he repeated. "Give me the keys." The Italian shrugged his shoulders. Then, he threw his arms around the teacher's neck and kissed him on both cheeks.。